Say it like you mean it.

Well I previously posted that last night Chris and I finally got into it. Things were so not going well at all and it was a very restless night for me.  Turns out it was quite the restless night for Chris as well, but not for the same reasons.  Turns out he was up chatting with an “old” friend on facebook… I happened to log into his fb account today and found their conversation that went on to about 330 this morning. So I copied the conversation he had with her for your reading pleasure as well.  He definitely confirms that I have been asking him to get a place for him and his son for over 2 months and he just disregarded my wishes.  

Chris: 

hey you there

Jennifer: hi
Chris: 

hello
Jennifer: whats up?

Chris: not much just needed someone to talk to

and you were online

Jennifer: Is everything ok
Chris: no not really
Jennifer: I juts got my ass kicked in farkel
Chris:
 lol. my son just moved back in with me. 
Jennifer: 
how is that going? 
Chris:
 but samantha does not want him here
Jennifer:
 oic, y? 
Chris: 
she says she is afraid of him cause he drew a picture one time of her with a knife in samantha’s head
Jennifer: 
he’s a kid
Chris:
 my son has been getting into a lot of trouble at school lately and fighting a lot she says he is very aggressive and it makes her feel unsafe. She told me this 2 months ago and I did not know what to say.  It made  me feel like I am wasting my time here with her.  I thought she wanted to be a family and she does not want to deal with my son. Yes he comes with issues but he is my son and will always be my son.
Jennifer: Right
Chris: 3 days before Christmas CPS called me and said they had removed my son from Stormi’s home, it was very unexpected. I had no choice but to have hi move in here.  Tonight she told me she wants me out.
Jennifer: Why did they take him?
Chris: Cause his brother overdosed on someones medication, they removed all the kids.
Jennifer: Oh crap. Maybe CPS can help you get a place…Ive heard sometimes they can.
Chris: she also says I do not communicate with her enough. I can get a place I am not worried about that. My boss will help me. I am just worried about not having a VEHICLE.  She got a 2nd vehicle 4 months ago so I would have a vehicle to get to and from work and now it is her vehicle and that leaves me stranded.  No way to get to work…if I move close to work then there is no buses to get to the train station to get to school.  I am just stressing really hard. I know everything will be fine.
Jennifer: When does she want you out?
Chris: She just said she wanted us out. I guess I am going to ask my boss tomorrow to help me get into a place ASAP. I have to go and report in the morning.  I guess I am not emotionally available for her cause I am trying to work everyday and go to school to make more money when I work and I already have trouble getting in community service hours and NA meetings.  Now I am not making enough time for her and I am being selfish.
Jennifer:  you just busy
Chris:sorry for spilling all that on you, thanks for listening
Jennifer: no problem hope everything works out ok
Chris: me too

I did call him up at work and ask if his boss helped him find a place today.  He said no.  I said well that’s what you told Jennifer you were gonna do.  He knew I had checked his fb then.  I then found out that the probation officer didn’t do anything to him about not doing his community service and NOT going to his NA meetings. I have to say I was quite disappointed in the system.  What do we pay all these state and county taxes for when the system is obviously failing?  Then I asked him if he got his son enrolled in school and he said no and I asked why and he said because I have to go down to the school and sign some paperwork saying that his son lives in my home.  I started laughing and so ohhh of course I do… Just another thing I HAVE to do.  Well tonight was rough yet again.  We actually got into a conversation and he kept saying, I’m sorry you feel that way.  It was driving me nuts.  I said it’s not about the way I feel, it’s about the facts.  Let’s lay it out there.  I said did I or did I not come to you months ago with my concerns? Did I not tell you what I was worried about, concerned about and what did you say? NOTHING?? he said yes.  He said he was upset that I didn’t welcome his son with open arms. I said that not everyone was going to and that he couldn’t get upset about that. He cannot force his son on me and he cannot force me to be uncomfortable in my own home.  He kept saying how he gives me his paychecks and I said and what does that go to? His probation, his court fees, his fines, his school, books, etc.  I said then when that’s all gone who has to pay the rent, utilities, the food and the rest of the bills and he said you (ME).  He said that he sees it as his and my money being put together as OUR money to pay OUR bills and that’s how I should look too.  So I said basically what your saying is if I want to be with you and live with you then I have to pay your bills and cover you ass because you don’t have a job that pays you enough to take care of yourself.  It took him awhile, but he finally said yes that’s true.  He said what other choice do I have.  I said get another job.  I said I did.  Why is it that I make great money but had to get a 2nd job to help cover your bills and worked 7 days a week for over a year for your bills?? But you can’t do the same?  I told him that this was a joke and that this was not a relationship and that he used me for what he could get out of me and that this free ride had ended and he needed to get out.  He said he would and then proceeded to ask me if i would help him move out.  OMG, I think my head almost exploded.

So we shall see…

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What’s happenin?

Been a busy week so far. Sunday, Chris and I drove back to my home town for a quick visit with my family and to pick up the truck we bought. When my sister found out I was coming, the first thing she asked was could I cook when I got there. Her daughter was begging for some Chicken & dumplins… so I told her to boil the chickens and I would fix it when I got there.  It turned out amazing as usual and most everyone went back for 2nds.

One of my sister’s in-laws is having a baby and she asked me if I could make a diaper cake for her to take to the shower.  She knows I’m more of the crafty one, so I thought I would give it a shot.  It turned out quite cute.  I didn’t have long to work on it and was only working with what she had so I was a little limited, but it still was cute.  Here’s a photo of it.

 

 

Monday I took off so I could spend some time with the fam before Chris and I had to come back home.  I got to meet my oldest nephew for lunch, I can’t believe how much he has grown and matured.  He is a jr now and is just growing up to fast for my liking 🙂 But I am super proud of the young man he has become.  I then picked up my youngest nephew from school and got to hear about his day and how things are going in school and with his friends.  He’s 10 and has a heart the size of Tx.  He is so thoughtful and considerate of other people, just a great kid.  Later my niece called me to come and pick her up from the high school after practice.  She is the trainer for the volleyball and basketball teams.  She’s a soph and she’s growing up too fast also.  She and I did some talking over the time I was there and she told me about a boy she was crushing on who graduated last year… OH MY.  I saw some of the texts they were sending and he seems to be a sweet guy… so far.  He asked her on a date and to homecoming, but she said she was already planning to go with a girlfriend of hers.  She also told me she doesn’t like going out with guys and being alone with them, it makes her uncomfortable. (Good answer!!) She would rather friends or other people be around.  I told her she should just let him know she was going to be at the bonfire this week and he should make an appearance and say hello.  I just want her to be careful whatever she decides.  These are all the things I miss out on being away from home.  I miss my mom and gpa and sister and friends, but I miss my sister’s kiddos the most.   So overall it was a GREAT visit, but as always too short.

So Monday night after Chris and I got back home, I logged onto my Facebook account and saw the friend request icon lit up, when I clicked to find out who had friend requested me, it was my ex-husband.  I gasped.  Chris who was on the couch beside me said WHAT, I said oh my gosh, that’s so weird.  I told him my ex-husband friend requested me. He said okay – sooo?  I said that’s weird, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in about 5 years.  Chris wasn’t worried about it, but I thought it was so strange.  I had hooked his brother up with one of my friends back in the day and after we divorced she told me that my ex (Tommy) had gotten another DWI and was suppose to go to jail.  Well  I haven’t talked to Susan in a couple of years so I never knew what happened.  I ended up looking up the local county and his name and found out that he had been sentenced to prison.  So I didn’t accept him, I just sent a message and say hello stranger, how’s life treating you.  He later responded and said I wouldn’t believe it if he told me, so I of course inquired as if I didn’t know already and he said he had gotten another DWI and went to jail for 4 years.  He said he just got back on Monday and was living at his parents.  I have to admit it made me feel good that the day he got back he went looking me up.  I knew I was hard to forget 😛  HAHA

So we exchanged a few emails back and forth yesterday. A friend at work asked me if I still had feelings. I told her that I didn’t think so, but had to admit I would like him to know how much my life has improved and how well I am doing now and what he has missed out on.  I still have the dog we got together when we were married and so we talked about him some.  He mentioned the woman he was with before he went to jail, bailed on him after a year in and so they were done. He said she wanted to get back together and he said that he told her he couldn’t trust her to ever be in a relationship with her again.  Well I hadn’t mentioned anything about Chris at this point and he said he would like to give me a call on Sun night if that was okay.  Today I emailed him about Chris and my life with Chris, he hasn’t responded since I sent that email this morning.  So I’m not sure if he is wanting to be friends or what.  It’s kinda surreal.  I didn’t think I felt anything, but I have to admit, I have checked my email a dozen times or so since sending my last email to see if he has responded.  I feel anxious, I want to read his reply already.  I would never leave Chris for Tommy.  Chris is my now and my future and Tommy lost out on his opportunity years ago.  But yes, I loved Tommy dearly. I waited for him and was sure of everything when we married.  I just wasn’t prepared for him to turn into a different person after the I Do’s.  Not a horrible person, just a person I didn’t know.  Anyway…

Chris is out of school this week before the next qtr starts up next week and it just so happens a friend of mine had extra tickets to the Ranger’s game today at 1 pm.  Chris is a fan borderline obsessed fan.  He loves his sports.  So I got in contact with my friend who said she would meet Chris at 3rd base before the game.  So of course he has to send me a picture of the great seat he is in and tell me he wishes I was there.

I’m so jealous.  I’m stuck here at work, working hard as you can tell 🙂 haha No really I am… just taking a quick break to breathe.  Well I’m gonna close for now, gotta check my email again 🙂 haha

What’s a girl to do?

~McQty~