I Told You So

It’s kinda strange that yesterday Dr. Phil’s episode was about violent teens.  The main guest was a family with a very violent 15 yr old boy that did all kinds of violent acts.  Several of the things he did, were also things that Chris’s son has done recently or in the past. Some of the things including: 
*Yelling and Lashing out at parents / adults
*Being aggressive toward other children / peers
*Being suspended and having detention
*Cursing and yelling at teachers / coaches
*Threw a desk at a teacher. 
*Throwing objects, breaking things. 
*Lying, talking back
*Stealing, being sneaky, hiding objects
*Talking aggressively, finding pleasure in violence and weapons
*Threatening people 

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.  I asked Chris to sit down with me and watch the Dr Phil episode.  I just kept looking over at Chris and then I said do you see why I have the fears I do?  Then the CPS worker who had come earlier to pick his son up to take him for a visit with his mom and younger bro and sister brought him back to the house. She told us that he acted out during the visit at the CPS office, and lashed out at his mother. He was screaming and yelling at her, calling her a liar and they had to get a police officer to restrain him in another room.  I asked Chris after the CPS worker left, do you see what I am trying to tell you?  Chris always comes back with “have you seen him act that way over here?” I said well not really, but he is over here for maybe a day or two every once in awhile.  He’s not here permanently and so it’s sorta like a vacation from his normal routine so he’s not going to act out cause it’s like a reward to get away. I said but once he’s been here awhile and you (Chris) start telling him NO and you (Chris) start taking away things as a punishment or you (Chris) tell him his friends can’t come over or start telling him to do his chores or getting onto him about things then you (Chris) will see him lash out at you. I told him to MARK MY WORDS.  I said those are the times I am worried about. 

So then I was trying to explain to Chris that his whole life he has made excuses for his own behavior and at this point he tells me things like I don’t know how to communicate, that he doesn’t know how to show love the right way, that he doesn’t know how to show respect the right way because he wasn’t taught how to do so growing up.  He just makes excuses about everything.  I said you are teaching your son to do the same thing. This conversation started when Chris opened his son’s report card and he failed PE.  I said who the fuck fails PE?  He said he failed because he wouldn’t dress out.  I said, REALLY?  So he’s choosing to be rebellious?? See what I mean? He said well he was at his mother’s and all this stuff was going on.  I said you baby him and coddle him too much. I said he will never mature into anything responsible because he will only learn to make excuses like you do.

Anyway.  I told him, your son knows right from wrong. I said he chooses to do wrong to get the attention and you feed right into it because you give him the attention he wants. I said this is the reason why I don’t want him here because you and I will never agree on how he is disciplined. So I asked Chris what he was going to do about him failing that class, he asked me what he should do.  I told him I didn’t want any part in that.  He then went to talk to his son about it and his son has some lame excuses saying something about him failing or doing bad because he had to do his work on a computer at home and didn’t have one. I told him that the school couldn’t fail him by making him do homework on a computer unless they provided the computer at the school.  So Chris came into the living room where I was and was telling me what his son had said and told me he was going to call the school today and find out and if they said something other than what his son was saying then his son was going to be in trouble… His son was on his heels and started studering and changing his story saying well no, I need to go up to the school with you to show them my grades on their computers because they don’t know and they will lie. Chris was like why would the school lie, and he said cause they are stuck up there. I mean it got ridiculous. Chris was talking to his son about it and his son yelled at him. I just stopped what I was doing in the kitchen and looked at them and Chris said do not speak to me like that and his son snapped back and said well you are not listening to me. You need to listen to me.  Chris told him to go to his room. I was shocked. What I had been telling Chris not 20 mins before was transpiring right in front of me.  Then I went to the bathroom and I could hear Chris still talking to him in his room and I heard him say some of the same words to his son that I had just said to Chris…. like – you are just making excuses and you need to stop.  Then I heard him say, you know right from wrong. 
 
Deep down, I felt JUSTIFIED… I felt like you actually listened for a change.  I almost wanted to cry. I didn’t and I didn’t mention it to Chris either.  I just kept the justified feeling to my self. No matter how bad I wanted to say I TOLD YOU SO !!
 
~McQty~
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The Bottom Line

I want to apologize ahead of time for this post, it will probably be all over the place so try and bare with me as I update you guys on the latest happenings. (This post is from Wed 01/09/13)

I just really want to curl up in a ball and just cry.  I’m so just over everything today.  Shit with Chris last night was just to much to take.  I feel like I have wasted 5 yrs of my life being stupid. I feel so stupid.  Then I have to deal with Ken today and his bs and that had me all emotional… I’m just so over them both.  I just don’t understand. Chris and I had a go at it last night and it all boiled down to basically that he doesn’t have a job that he makes a lot of money and that his money goes to his bills and then he doesn’t have enough to help me with the rest of the reg bills, I pay all of that.  He said it could be worse if he didn’t have a job and I could be paying all of his bills.  I was like WHAT?

He said I look at it as his money and my money, he said he looks at it as he takes my check and his check and puts them together as OUR money. I said of course you do cause you don’t make any money and my money covers it all.  He said that’s how families work.  I said that’s easy for him to say b/c he’s the one being taken care of.  I said I have taken care of him our whole 5 yrs together.  He said that he is trying to better himself for the future. I said what does that do for me? That benefits me in no way what-so-ever.  I said what do you contribute to this situation? Nothing.  I said you don’t even contribute here around the house because you say your too tired from work and school and so you don’t do anything around here.  I said let me ask you this… BOTTOM LINE – if I want to be with you and live with you… then I HAVE TO PAY to do so… (cover him and his bills) he didn’t want to answer… but after I kept asking for several minutes he said YES.  I said that’s what I figured, I’m glad you could finally admit it.  He said what’s the alternative.  I said what’s sad is that you never would consider taking on a 2nd job to make more money to pay your part. I said you’re perfectly fine with me taking a 2nd job and working 7 days a week when I don’t NEED to because my one job takes care of us both… but in order to live comfortably I take a 2nd job and you reap the rewards. I said lets use this as an example… if we were neighbors and you didn’t make enough money to pay your rent and utilities… do you expect your landlord just to cover it? He said no, he would have to move to another place that he could afford… I said there you go… you need to move somewhere you can afford, cause this free ride is OVER.  I said this is NOT a family and this is NOT a relationship. I said you are not a partner or an equal in this and you do not contribute and I have no more to give to you.  Then he had the nerve to ask me if I would help him move. 

I then asked him later if he got his son enrolled in school and he said no and I asked why and he said because you (meaning me) have to go to the school and sign some paperwork saying that his son lives here in the house.  I just started laughing. I said of course I do.  I HAVE TO DO THIS HUH?  I said you don’t even ask for things… you just tell me what I HAVE TO DO.  He didn’t even apologize, he just walked out of the room. 

GOING TO CURL UP NOW !!

~MCQTY~

Say it like you mean it.

Well I previously posted that last night Chris and I finally got into it. Things were so not going well at all and it was a very restless night for me.  Turns out it was quite the restless night for Chris as well, but not for the same reasons.  Turns out he was up chatting with an “old” friend on facebook… I happened to log into his fb account today and found their conversation that went on to about 330 this morning. So I copied the conversation he had with her for your reading pleasure as well.  He definitely confirms that I have been asking him to get a place for him and his son for over 2 months and he just disregarded my wishes.  

Chris: 

hey you there

Jennifer: hi
Chris: 

hello
Jennifer: whats up?

Chris: not much just needed someone to talk to

and you were online

Jennifer: Is everything ok
Chris: no not really
Jennifer: I juts got my ass kicked in farkel
Chris:
 lol. my son just moved back in with me. 
Jennifer: 
how is that going? 
Chris:
 but samantha does not want him here
Jennifer:
 oic, y? 
Chris: 
she says she is afraid of him cause he drew a picture one time of her with a knife in samantha’s head
Jennifer: 
he’s a kid
Chris:
 my son has been getting into a lot of trouble at school lately and fighting a lot she says he is very aggressive and it makes her feel unsafe. She told me this 2 months ago and I did not know what to say.  It made  me feel like I am wasting my time here with her.  I thought she wanted to be a family and she does not want to deal with my son. Yes he comes with issues but he is my son and will always be my son.
Jennifer: Right
Chris: 3 days before Christmas CPS called me and said they had removed my son from Stormi’s home, it was very unexpected. I had no choice but to have hi move in here.  Tonight she told me she wants me out.
Jennifer: Why did they take him?
Chris: Cause his brother overdosed on someones medication, they removed all the kids.
Jennifer: Oh crap. Maybe CPS can help you get a place…Ive heard sometimes they can.
Chris: she also says I do not communicate with her enough. I can get a place I am not worried about that. My boss will help me. I am just worried about not having a VEHICLE.  She got a 2nd vehicle 4 months ago so I would have a vehicle to get to and from work and now it is her vehicle and that leaves me stranded.  No way to get to work…if I move close to work then there is no buses to get to the train station to get to school.  I am just stressing really hard. I know everything will be fine.
Jennifer: When does she want you out?
Chris: She just said she wanted us out. I guess I am going to ask my boss tomorrow to help me get into a place ASAP. I have to go and report in the morning.  I guess I am not emotionally available for her cause I am trying to work everyday and go to school to make more money when I work and I already have trouble getting in community service hours and NA meetings.  Now I am not making enough time for her and I am being selfish.
Jennifer:  you just busy
Chris:sorry for spilling all that on you, thanks for listening
Jennifer: no problem hope everything works out ok
Chris: me too

I did call him up at work and ask if his boss helped him find a place today.  He said no.  I said well that’s what you told Jennifer you were gonna do.  He knew I had checked his fb then.  I then found out that the probation officer didn’t do anything to him about not doing his community service and NOT going to his NA meetings. I have to say I was quite disappointed in the system.  What do we pay all these state and county taxes for when the system is obviously failing?  Then I asked him if he got his son enrolled in school and he said no and I asked why and he said because I have to go down to the school and sign some paperwork saying that his son lives in my home.  I started laughing and so ohhh of course I do… Just another thing I HAVE to do.  Well tonight was rough yet again.  We actually got into a conversation and he kept saying, I’m sorry you feel that way.  It was driving me nuts.  I said it’s not about the way I feel, it’s about the facts.  Let’s lay it out there.  I said did I or did I not come to you months ago with my concerns? Did I not tell you what I was worried about, concerned about and what did you say? NOTHING?? he said yes.  He said he was upset that I didn’t welcome his son with open arms. I said that not everyone was going to and that he couldn’t get upset about that. He cannot force his son on me and he cannot force me to be uncomfortable in my own home.  He kept saying how he gives me his paychecks and I said and what does that go to? His probation, his court fees, his fines, his school, books, etc.  I said then when that’s all gone who has to pay the rent, utilities, the food and the rest of the bills and he said you (ME).  He said that he sees it as his and my money being put together as OUR money to pay OUR bills and that’s how I should look too.  So I said basically what your saying is if I want to be with you and live with you then I have to pay your bills and cover you ass because you don’t have a job that pays you enough to take care of yourself.  It took him awhile, but he finally said yes that’s true.  He said what other choice do I have.  I said get another job.  I said I did.  Why is it that I make great money but had to get a 2nd job to help cover your bills and worked 7 days a week for over a year for your bills?? But you can’t do the same?  I told him that this was a joke and that this was not a relationship and that he used me for what he could get out of me and that this free ride had ended and he needed to get out.  He said he would and then proceeded to ask me if i would help him move out.  OMG, I think my head almost exploded.

So we shall see…

It has hit the fan !!

Is it dirt, dust, poo – that’s it !! The shit has hit the fan !!  Last night was a rough night in my house.  It has been brewing and this volcano is about to explode.  It started months ago, but it’s all starting to get much more intense.  I previously mentioned my concerns with Chris’s son moving into my house and how afraid I was of that.  I tried talking to Chris about this over and over many times during the last couple of months because I wanted him to find a place for the 2 of them before he got custody so that there was no need for his son to come into my house and then move again later into another place with Chris.  I didn’t want it to look like I didn’t want him here to his son.  I was trying to make it easier on his son.  Well, Chris totally disregarded my feelings and went ahead and moved his son in without even discussing it with me.  I was at work when CPS picked his son up from the psychiatric hospital he had been taken to for trying to assault his mother and another adult male while at the CPS office during a visitation with him.  The foster family he had been staying with did not want him back and so they call the psych hospital to come and restrain him and take him to the institution.  Would anyone else besides me, be alarmed at this???  Just so you are all aware, when this child was 11 and lived with me for 6 months he went to school one day and was angry at me for taking his video games away for something he did wrong and he drew a picture of me with a knife in my head.  The teacher called me at work to have me get a hold of Chris so he could come up to the school, that’s when she told me what he had done.  The kid is now 15 and I don’t think he draws pictures anymore… but could be more capable of doing the action vs. drawing it.  These are just some of the reasons for my fears.  I don’t want to live in fear in my own home.  As of late since he moved in, I have pretty much stayed to myself in my room when I have been at home.  It shouldn’t have to be that way either.  Chris refuses to communicate with me about anything.  The only time he really talks to me about anything that is going on is when he needs something or wants something from me, like money, a vehicle, me to do something for me, etc.  Yesterday he was trying to enroll his son in school.  He texts me at work telling me the school needs a utility bill in his name or he needs to have himself and his son added to the lease on my house.  I told him that wasn’t going to happen.  I told him that I wasn’t going to change my life around and rearrange my bills and my lease.  I had also given him $100 bill on sunday for gas and ask that he bring me the change back, which he did not.  I got upset last night and told him that he didn’t need to be driving my vehicles anymore because I couldn’t afford the gas that he was running out.  He’s not helping me with any bills and I can’t afford it all.  He got upset and threw money in my face and said, “Here’s your fucking money”.  It fell to the floor at my feet and I just kicked it toward him and said forget it.  I tried to go into my room and shut the door behind me and that’s when he pushed it open hitting my hand with the door.  He then stood in the doorway where I could not shut the door.  I asked him several times to go away and to just leave me alone.  I told him he was going to take it to a point of no return and he was going to act stupid and do something he couldn’t take back so he needed to stop and just go to his room.  He just stood there.  He then told me he wanted the diamond necklace he bought me for Christmas back.  I couldn’t believe it, but I said that’s fine, it’s in the bathroom on the top of the vanity.  He said he was going to return it and get the money back on it.  I said do what you have to do.  I said while you’re at it go ahead and steal whatever else it is you’re gonna steal, you’re good at that right?? (He broke into my house and stole quite a bit last time I broke up with him)  I told him if we went there and took back everything we got for each other, he would be walking out of the house with the clothes he had on from jail.  He has nothing without me.  He wouldn’t leave my room, so I ended up undressing in front of him and then crawling into bed… guess he can look at what he can’t have anymore.  He stood in the doorway for about 20 mins, not saying anything before he finally closed the door and went to his room.  Then he started with the texts…. Here’s how it went:

CHRIS: I have to be at the probation office at 7am and then work after that. I may have to go sign papers on my lunch break to get (my son) enrolled in school. Will you be able to take me to that also? 
ME: No
CHRIS: So what do I need to do. Wed I have a 1 o’clock appointment I will have to go to. How do I get there? 
ME: When did that become my responsibility?
ME: But then I don’t do anything for you, right?
CHRIS: When you said I could not take the car to go anywhere. 
ME: Well I take care of you and feed you and clothe you and keep you outta jail. So maybe you should see what it’s really like w/o me and my ass. 
ME: It’s my car. When did you get a free ride? 
ME: You EXPECT other people to do for you
ME: AND you don’t appreciate anything
ME: I’m done being unappreciated
ME: You don’t love me. You love what I give you and the security and stability I provide for you. 
CHRIS: Who said it has been a free ride? Oh yeah that’s right I do not give you anything or any money or any time. 
ME: The little money that you do make goes toward your shit, like your probation, your tickets, your fines, your school. 
ME: You don’t make enough to cover half the rest of the bills. 
CHRIS: That is your opinion and every time you get mad that is what you say. Some guy is probably telling you this shit. So he can get me out of here. 
ME: This is all your fault for not communicating with me and not caring about my feelings. 
CHRIS: It is always my fault. Never a mutual thing with you. Oh no you could not be wrong on any account.  Since you decided that going to see another man was more important than me and to keep talking to another man was more important than my feelings I do not want to be in the same room with you. You really hurt my feelings but you don’t give a fuck it is what you want to do. 
ME: OK, did you think maybe you pushed me to it? It doesn’t matter now. 
ME: You need to get a place for you and your kid. 
CHRIS: Yea it is always my fault. 
ME: I don’t want this extra drama and stress and you don’t seem to care. 
CHRIS: Yeah I really act like I don’t care. 
ME: You don’t care, I told you 2 months ago I didn’t want him here and you brought him here and moved him in any way.  You never once tried to even discuss it with me, even though I tried talking to you about it over and over for months prior. 
CHRIS: You told me you did not want him here and you were mad a week ago cause I had not talked to you about him coming here. 
ME: YEAH
CHRIS: What is there to talk about if you tell me you do not want him here? 
ME: I said NO and you decided to go ahead anyway against my wishes. 
CHRIS: I will get out of your hair soon since my life has become too much for you. 
ME: Fine
ME: Ur disregard for me is too much, your disrespect for me is too much. 
CHRIS: Will I at least be able to use a vehicle to get back and forth to work and school? 
ME: When? 
ME: It’s funny to me that you can’t have a conversation with me until I do something drastic and then you text me – that’s pitiful. 
CHRIS: Everyday. I have to work and go to school everyday. 
ME: No, I’m not your keeper or your mother, or your guardian. 
CHRIS: No what? 
ME: No to a free ride. 
CHRIS: I don’t know why you think it’s a free ride. 
ME: stop texting me. this is ridiculous. 
Then he came and opened my door and asked if I really wanted him to move out and I said yes and he said ok, fine.
I have a few questions and would really like some HONEST feedback.  I really want to know if I am wrong in my thinking.  Since we have been together (off and on) Chris in the beginning never really worked, turns out he was getting fired for not going to work due to his drug binges – (I wasn’t aware he was not at work).   He has never brought in money and if he did, it wasn’t much at all.  I have ALWAYS worked and always paid the bills.  I have always paid for all the food and extra things we do.  If we go out to eat, I pay.  If we go to a movie, I pay. If we need gas, groceries or anything extra, I pay.  I even pay for his cigarettes and anything else he needs.   So yes, I do get irritated and stressed over money.  I have always felt like I was taking care of him.  It would be one thing if he did more around the house or helped me out in other ways, but he didn’t and doesn’t really do that to this day.  So it would upset me even more.  Sooo now that he is working, he is making steady income, but now he has more bills like his probation, his court fees and fines that he has to pay every month. His school payment, his medical costs (he has no insurance so it’s not cheap),  cost for books, his cigarettes, costs for gas to drive 3 hours to and from school (round trip) up keep on 2 vehicles, his energy drinks, his lunch when he doesn’t want to take a lunch like I do because he’s to lazy to fix it.   So the money he makes barely covers some of those things.  It’s not enough to pay half of the other bills like rent, water, sewer, electric, cable, internet, insurance, medical, food, cell phones, fun activities, dining out, gas and any other odds and ends.  I pay for all of that stuff on my own.  I even took a part-time job which had me working 7 days a week for over a year and it really didn’t benefit me much at all.  I make GREAT money at my regular job and can life a very normal, comfortable life on my own with just my regular job, but with him it’s hard.  I don’t like living pay check to pay check and with him that’s what I do.
So here are my questions…
1. Chris says I should not look at it as his money and my money if we are a couple it should be OUR money.  (I think that’s easy for him to say b/c he’s the one not making all the money and the one being taken care of. )  AM I WRONG IN MY THINKING HERE???
2. Chris says that he is going to school so that he can better himself for ME and take care of me in the future.  (I don’t know for sure that will happen and I asked him if that means I have to take care of him forever until it does.) He says if I want to be a family I shouldn’t have a problem with it.  IS THIS TRUE??? AM I BEING SELFISH??
3. I feel as though I am being punished when I have to help him pay his probation and court fees when he is paying those for being arrested for theft and part of that is for breaking into my house and stealing from me.  AM I WRONG IN THIS FEELING??
Thanks as always to my followers and those that give me such great feedback and advice, I always appreciate it !!

Relationship Details

I know I have been away from this blog for sometime, since before Christmas actually.  Things have been so rough as of late and I have been dedicating my blog time to a new, BRUTALLY HONEST blog that I created that is super private that I express things that I wouldn’t want most people I know reading, especially my mom (sorry mom).  I have decided some of the stuff that has been going on would be okay to put here, so I wanted to update some of my loyal fans and readers here as well.  I could use some good advice and I haven’t been led astray from any of my readers here as of yet, so I don’t know why I didn’t come to you guys sooner.  SHAME ON ME !!!

MOM – You can stop reading NOW if you like !!!

I wanted to let you know about some things that have surfaced recently within my relationship.  My bf and I have been together nearly 5 years off and on and over the last year and a half it’s been the best that it’s every been as far as him being on the “right” path.  However some of the things he has done in the past may have scared me enough to be causing me doubts and fears currently.

My bf and I are from the opposite ends of the spectrum as far as how we were raised and what type of family dynamic we had growing up. My relationship with my boyfriend has always been a struggle to say the least due to some of the bad decisions he has made over his life time.  I sometimes feel like we have a parent/child relationship.  My boyfriend, grew up with a shitty family, his mother was an addict, didn’t care for her children and so he was raised by his grandparents for the most part and on his own at 15. He’s done drugs the majority of his life and along with that made stupid decisions along the way.  So there are a lot of things he has to deal with these days due to some of those stupid decisions.  Like probation, tickets, fees, and all that goes along with that.  I many times am resentful due to him having a hard time finding a descent job, what jobs he can find are not well paying ones and I am usually stuck picking up the slack paying his fines, fees and such that must be paid monthly to keep him from going back to jail… Why do I stay??? I do love him deep down. He does have a good heart and for the most part he is a very loving man.  He however does lack responsibilities and maturity at times. So it just causes me more stress.  When he recently brought up the topic of marriage and then had me looking at rings to show him what I liked, it sorta freaked me out… I was sure I had made it clear in the past on a few occasions that I was not wanting to get married. Guess he figures I might have changed my mind.  Well I know for sure that I will NOT marry him while he is still on probation. I don’t want to have to deal with all of that, which I already am dealing with now.  But at any moment any screw up and he could easily go away for a long time. He has never been good at communicating and I usually just give up the fight after begging and begging for him to talk to me about things that are important and things that need to be discussed.  Well this time I couldn’t just let things go.  I have bee holding things in and it’s eating away at me from the inside out.  I for months now have been begging him to have some discussions with me about what was going on, what his plans were with school and work, and his son and so much more and he just seems to sit there and never really discuss anything.  Nothing ever seems to get resolved unless I just take it on and do it myself, or give up on the issue all together.

I had a long conversation with Chris, one that got very deep and emotional for the both of us.  There is so much history between the two of us over our 5 years together and there has been a lot of things that have caused us both pain.  I can’t say that I have been perfect, because I am nowhere near perfect in any sense of the word.  So, Chris and I had this talk and I laid it all out. Some of my deep down feelings that I hadn’t even come to terms with myself. I was brutally honest and it was hard on both of us.  I said some things I should have said a long time ago.  He cried, which I didn’t want, but it was something that needed to be said.  We talked about times that I had hurt him such as when we first met and I was at the time seeing another man and could not decide between the two of them and for nearly a year continued to see the both of them. He was talking about that as he got emotional and started to tear up and said that I could never know how much he loves and adores me. He said there is nothing I could ever do that would make him want to be without me. I so know that’s true.  I told him that I felt our relationship was really tough on me. I told him that over our 5 years together that it’s always been about him. That it’s always been about his needs and his problems and his troubles and what he needed to take care of and what I needed to do to help him get clean and to help him find a job and to help him stay on the right path and to help him stay away from the wrong crowd and to make sure the responsibilities and bills were taken care of and to make sure everything ran smoothly and to basically parent him and to just give and give and give some more.  I said when is it ever my turn to be spoiled a little, when is it my turn to give up some of the responsibility, when can I depend on someone, when can I let go of the reigns a little and relax, when can it not be so stressful on me, when can it be more about me? When do I not have to be so in control?  It got really quiet and then I said well say something.  He said everything you just said makes me feel like such a loser.  I said that’s not my intentions, I’m just trying to voice my feelings to you. I have held in my feelings for so long just trying to protect you and it’s long over due that you need to know and I need to say it out loud to myself as well.  I said I am doing you no favors by doing it all for you. I said that is one of your big problems is you don’t know how to take care of your responsibilities. I told him that I was hindering him. I told him I was so afraid that he would blow his money on stupid things or drugs or whatever and that is the reason I took so much control, but that wasn’t teaching him anything except to give up control to someone…  so I then told him he needs to start taking his own check and paying his own bills and being responsible for remembering to do it himself.   I told him I didn’t want to be involved in it anymore. I said I resent him already deep down that I have to be involved when his probation and fees stem partly from him breaking into my house and I feel as though I am being punished for being the victim.  So I told him to take it over and do it himself and if he missed his meetings or missed his payments then he only had himself to blame.  I also told him that I knew he wanted to get custody of his son. I told him that I did not want his son living in my home full time. I told him that I have enough trust issues with him for all that he has done over our 5 year history and I do not want to deal with all the drama and issues going on with his son right now.  I told him I do not have the patience to deal with that. I told him I was raised different and that I had my ass beat or was popped in the mouth when I spoke to an adult the way his child does and his son is not disciplined at all and speaks to people like they are garbage. I told him that will not happen in my house.  He cried.  He said he felt like he was having to choose between us. I told him I would not respect him unless he chose his son.  I said I would like to think he’s 15 and would be out on his own in 3 years but he is not mentally capable or mature enough to take of himself in the next 10 years so I know there is no way he will be on his own or even close to it in 3. I told him I would be miserable with him being in my home and I don’t want it at all. He was devastated.   He knew I was serious.  He asked what he was suppose to do with that information.  I said you need to do what you need to do to get your son and then get a place for the 2 of you. I said you can live down the street if you want.  He said and what? Are you going to come see me there. I said I would, but I need to be able to leave your child when he starts to act the way he does. I said he needs discipline. He said well then you discipline him, I said no, because I believe in getting your butt busted and you don’t. He said it’s a different world these days.  I said out there it is, but not in my house. I told him I didn’t want to have to try to fix 15 years of a fucked up kid… hate to say it but his kid has a lot of issues. He’s on all kinds of medication and he flips out at school and is always getting in trouble and suspended and detention and it’s awful. He is a compulsive liar and it’s awful. He will tell you one story and before he is even done with the story he will change it to something completely different and then before he is done say that’s not what he just said. It’s so annoying. I can’t stand it.  I have to leave the room because I don’t have the patience to even hear him speak sometimes. Anyway, it was a really deep conversation and I felt so much lifted off my shoulders by saying it out loud… I mean it really has relieved a lot of stress and pent up frustrations. I feel like I can sorta breathe…

Since our talk things have only gotten worse with his son… CPS ended up calling us late one evening to tell him that his son was taken away from his mother’s house along with her other 3 children and were in custody of the state due to one of the smaller children overdosing on medication.  There had been 5 reports to CPS about his mother and her new husband.  The husband had passed out while driving due to taking some sort of pills and wrecked the vehicle with all 4 children in the vehicle.  They told Chris that he would need to be in court on Jan 2nd to take custody of his son.  All of this was happening so fast.  I thought we were going to have to pay to get an attorney and go to court, and if I wasn’t paying for it, then I knew we had a little for Chris to save the money up… well that’s not the case now.  CPS had it in the works and it was already set for court.  Well while the children were at the foster house, his son got into trouble because he was not on his medication and he was fighting and causing trouble, when going to visitation with his mother and one of the other children’s father showed up to see that child, Chris’s son who is 15 lashed out at his mother and told her he wanted to hurt her and then proceeded to chase this man around the CPS building threatening him. This man was the man that abused him when he was 3 yrs old.  So the foster family said they did not want him to come back into their home.  CPS had to call the psych hospital and have him admitted into the psych ward.  Yeah this 15 yr old kid was now in the psych hospital and they were working up the papers for Chris to take custody of him and were bringing him to my home on Jan 3rd.  Chris and I argued due to his lack of searching for an apt for the 2 of them, he just expects me to change my mind and let them stay here.  I tried to explain my fears.  I told him that I don’t want him to lash out at me like he does other adults.  This 15 yr old child has lashed out at teachers and coaches at school. He got upset at one of his teachers for something ridiculous and he picked up a desk and threw it at her.  So now my stress is only multiplied.   This caused me to be so stressed that I did not want to celebrate my birthday on 12/21/2012.  I am however glad the world didn’t end that day 🙂   I also was not feeling Christmas and didn’t want to do anything for that day either.  My grandpa had been put in the hospital and was not sure when he was going to get out… it was just a cluster-f of a holiday season.  I worked 14.5 hours on New Years Eve and was exhausted when I got off so I didn’t celebrate that either…

So I hope you can see where some of my stress, frustration, fear, confusion and panic is coming from… these are all causing me to become very distant from people, especially Chris.  He is aware of the distance.  He is also aware that I have begun to talk to a few other guys… for what reason,  well that I’m not 100% sure of, so I cannot fully answer that question for him or for myself at this time.   This is not even the end of the story…. there’s still so much more to come.

~McQty~