Relationship Details

I know I have been away from this blog for sometime, since before Christmas actually.  Things have been so rough as of late and I have been dedicating my blog time to a new, BRUTALLY HONEST blog that I created that is super private that I express things that I wouldn’t want most people I know reading, especially my mom (sorry mom).  I have decided some of the stuff that has been going on would be okay to put here, so I wanted to update some of my loyal fans and readers here as well.  I could use some good advice and I haven’t been led astray from any of my readers here as of yet, so I don’t know why I didn’t come to you guys sooner.  SHAME ON ME !!!

MOM – You can stop reading NOW if you like !!!

I wanted to let you know about some things that have surfaced recently within my relationship.  My bf and I have been together nearly 5 years off and on and over the last year and a half it’s been the best that it’s every been as far as him being on the “right” path.  However some of the things he has done in the past may have scared me enough to be causing me doubts and fears currently.

My bf and I are from the opposite ends of the spectrum as far as how we were raised and what type of family dynamic we had growing up. My relationship with my boyfriend has always been a struggle to say the least due to some of the bad decisions he has made over his life time.  I sometimes feel like we have a parent/child relationship.  My boyfriend, grew up with a shitty family, his mother was an addict, didn’t care for her children and so he was raised by his grandparents for the most part and on his own at 15. He’s done drugs the majority of his life and along with that made stupid decisions along the way.  So there are a lot of things he has to deal with these days due to some of those stupid decisions.  Like probation, tickets, fees, and all that goes along with that.  I many times am resentful due to him having a hard time finding a descent job, what jobs he can find are not well paying ones and I am usually stuck picking up the slack paying his fines, fees and such that must be paid monthly to keep him from going back to jail… Why do I stay??? I do love him deep down. He does have a good heart and for the most part he is a very loving man.  He however does lack responsibilities and maturity at times. So it just causes me more stress.  When he recently brought up the topic of marriage and then had me looking at rings to show him what I liked, it sorta freaked me out… I was sure I had made it clear in the past on a few occasions that I was not wanting to get married. Guess he figures I might have changed my mind.  Well I know for sure that I will NOT marry him while he is still on probation. I don’t want to have to deal with all of that, which I already am dealing with now.  But at any moment any screw up and he could easily go away for a long time. He has never been good at communicating and I usually just give up the fight after begging and begging for him to talk to me about things that are important and things that need to be discussed.  Well this time I couldn’t just let things go.  I have bee holding things in and it’s eating away at me from the inside out.  I for months now have been begging him to have some discussions with me about what was going on, what his plans were with school and work, and his son and so much more and he just seems to sit there and never really discuss anything.  Nothing ever seems to get resolved unless I just take it on and do it myself, or give up on the issue all together.

I had a long conversation with Chris, one that got very deep and emotional for the both of us.  There is so much history between the two of us over our 5 years together and there has been a lot of things that have caused us both pain.  I can’t say that I have been perfect, because I am nowhere near perfect in any sense of the word.  So, Chris and I had this talk and I laid it all out. Some of my deep down feelings that I hadn’t even come to terms with myself. I was brutally honest and it was hard on both of us.  I said some things I should have said a long time ago.  He cried, which I didn’t want, but it was something that needed to be said.  We talked about times that I had hurt him such as when we first met and I was at the time seeing another man and could not decide between the two of them and for nearly a year continued to see the both of them. He was talking about that as he got emotional and started to tear up and said that I could never know how much he loves and adores me. He said there is nothing I could ever do that would make him want to be without me. I so know that’s true.  I told him that I felt our relationship was really tough on me. I told him that over our 5 years together that it’s always been about him. That it’s always been about his needs and his problems and his troubles and what he needed to take care of and what I needed to do to help him get clean and to help him find a job and to help him stay on the right path and to help him stay away from the wrong crowd and to make sure the responsibilities and bills were taken care of and to make sure everything ran smoothly and to basically parent him and to just give and give and give some more.  I said when is it ever my turn to be spoiled a little, when is it my turn to give up some of the responsibility, when can I depend on someone, when can I let go of the reigns a little and relax, when can it not be so stressful on me, when can it be more about me? When do I not have to be so in control?  It got really quiet and then I said well say something.  He said everything you just said makes me feel like such a loser.  I said that’s not my intentions, I’m just trying to voice my feelings to you. I have held in my feelings for so long just trying to protect you and it’s long over due that you need to know and I need to say it out loud to myself as well.  I said I am doing you no favors by doing it all for you. I said that is one of your big problems is you don’t know how to take care of your responsibilities. I told him that I was hindering him. I told him I was so afraid that he would blow his money on stupid things or drugs or whatever and that is the reason I took so much control, but that wasn’t teaching him anything except to give up control to someone…  so I then told him he needs to start taking his own check and paying his own bills and being responsible for remembering to do it himself.   I told him I didn’t want to be involved in it anymore. I said I resent him already deep down that I have to be involved when his probation and fees stem partly from him breaking into my house and I feel as though I am being punished for being the victim.  So I told him to take it over and do it himself and if he missed his meetings or missed his payments then he only had himself to blame.  I also told him that I knew he wanted to get custody of his son. I told him that I did not want his son living in my home full time. I told him that I have enough trust issues with him for all that he has done over our 5 year history and I do not want to deal with all the drama and issues going on with his son right now.  I told him I do not have the patience to deal with that. I told him I was raised different and that I had my ass beat or was popped in the mouth when I spoke to an adult the way his child does and his son is not disciplined at all and speaks to people like they are garbage. I told him that will not happen in my house.  He cried.  He said he felt like he was having to choose between us. I told him I would not respect him unless he chose his son.  I said I would like to think he’s 15 and would be out on his own in 3 years but he is not mentally capable or mature enough to take of himself in the next 10 years so I know there is no way he will be on his own or even close to it in 3. I told him I would be miserable with him being in my home and I don’t want it at all. He was devastated.   He knew I was serious.  He asked what he was suppose to do with that information.  I said you need to do what you need to do to get your son and then get a place for the 2 of you. I said you can live down the street if you want.  He said and what? Are you going to come see me there. I said I would, but I need to be able to leave your child when he starts to act the way he does. I said he needs discipline. He said well then you discipline him, I said no, because I believe in getting your butt busted and you don’t. He said it’s a different world these days.  I said out there it is, but not in my house. I told him I didn’t want to have to try to fix 15 years of a fucked up kid… hate to say it but his kid has a lot of issues. He’s on all kinds of medication and he flips out at school and is always getting in trouble and suspended and detention and it’s awful. He is a compulsive liar and it’s awful. He will tell you one story and before he is even done with the story he will change it to something completely different and then before he is done say that’s not what he just said. It’s so annoying. I can’t stand it.  I have to leave the room because I don’t have the patience to even hear him speak sometimes. Anyway, it was a really deep conversation and I felt so much lifted off my shoulders by saying it out loud… I mean it really has relieved a lot of stress and pent up frustrations. I feel like I can sorta breathe…

Since our talk things have only gotten worse with his son… CPS ended up calling us late one evening to tell him that his son was taken away from his mother’s house along with her other 3 children and were in custody of the state due to one of the smaller children overdosing on medication.  There had been 5 reports to CPS about his mother and her new husband.  The husband had passed out while driving due to taking some sort of pills and wrecked the vehicle with all 4 children in the vehicle.  They told Chris that he would need to be in court on Jan 2nd to take custody of his son.  All of this was happening so fast.  I thought we were going to have to pay to get an attorney and go to court, and if I wasn’t paying for it, then I knew we had a little for Chris to save the money up… well that’s not the case now.  CPS had it in the works and it was already set for court.  Well while the children were at the foster house, his son got into trouble because he was not on his medication and he was fighting and causing trouble, when going to visitation with his mother and one of the other children’s father showed up to see that child, Chris’s son who is 15 lashed out at his mother and told her he wanted to hurt her and then proceeded to chase this man around the CPS building threatening him. This man was the man that abused him when he was 3 yrs old.  So the foster family said they did not want him to come back into their home.  CPS had to call the psych hospital and have him admitted into the psych ward.  Yeah this 15 yr old kid was now in the psych hospital and they were working up the papers for Chris to take custody of him and were bringing him to my home on Jan 3rd.  Chris and I argued due to his lack of searching for an apt for the 2 of them, he just expects me to change my mind and let them stay here.  I tried to explain my fears.  I told him that I don’t want him to lash out at me like he does other adults.  This 15 yr old child has lashed out at teachers and coaches at school. He got upset at one of his teachers for something ridiculous and he picked up a desk and threw it at her.  So now my stress is only multiplied.   This caused me to be so stressed that I did not want to celebrate my birthday on 12/21/2012.  I am however glad the world didn’t end that day 🙂   I also was not feeling Christmas and didn’t want to do anything for that day either.  My grandpa had been put in the hospital and was not sure when he was going to get out… it was just a cluster-f of a holiday season.  I worked 14.5 hours on New Years Eve and was exhausted when I got off so I didn’t celebrate that either…

So I hope you can see where some of my stress, frustration, fear, confusion and panic is coming from… these are all causing me to become very distant from people, especially Chris.  He is aware of the distance.  He is also aware that I have begun to talk to a few other guys… for what reason,  well that I’m not 100% sure of, so I cannot fully answer that question for him or for myself at this time.   This is not even the end of the story…. there’s still so much more to come.

~McQty~

Advertisements

Old Flame

In other recent news as of late – (MOM – you might not want to read this either)

I had previously mentioned James, the guy I dated many years ago.   He  looked me up after 8 years to profess his love for me and the mistake he made by letting me go so many years ago and how he would like to correct that mistake if he ever got the chance to do so. We have played catch up as to what’s going on in each of our lives. First I was flattered and shocked by the comments.  He wasn’t one to express his feelings in the past.  Might have been one of the reasons I left him.  I then inquired as to why?  He said he didn’t realize what he had until I walked out.  I was like wow, that’s very sweet of you to say.  So he’s been blowing up my phone and calling and telling me how much he loves me.  He said he loved me back then but didn’t know how to say it or show it properly.  He tells me all the time how he would go back and change things if he could, how his life would be so different if he would have chased me down.  He said he had looked for me over the years and never found me.  My stuff is invisible on FB, so you can’t find me very easily.  He tells me how much he misses me and misses the times we had and blah blah… it’s crazy.  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? All of this definitely brings back feelings I had for him once upon a time and it makes me wonder what if?

He travels a lot for his job, so that helps right now him not being close enough to do me danger (meaning get me in trouble-tempt me) right now.  He has been messaging and calling me quite a bit and at one point was upset about a comment made on FB about Chris bringing marriage up.  I never said anywhere on FB that I had said yes. I said that it was out of the blue and I thought Chris was just fishing for information.  So James was upset and was asking if I was planning on marrying Chris.   I did have to bring him back to reality in our text message following that, here’s how it went:

JAMES: Greetings from frozen Canada
ME:  Hi
JAMES: Are you naked?? I wanna see…
ME: I’m still at work
JAMES: So that’s a no huh..
ME: LOL
JAMES: What time do you get off tonight? 
ME: I’m leaving in a few minutes
JAMES: So naked by 530…. COOL
ME: It’s nearly 6 now. 
JAMES: Sorry on mountain time here.
ME: It’s okay
JAMES: So you will be naked for me by 6:30, 7 somewhere in there?
ME: No, I’m not getting naked till bed time. 
JAMES: That’s a yes. Your bedtime needs to be 7 tonight. 
ME: LOL I don’t think so. 
JAMES: You’re getting the theme here right? I WANNA SEE YOU NAKED !!!
ME: I somehow figured that one out. 
JAMES: I wanna see you now !
ME: Well then you better come home. 
JAMES: I can’t wait till then. 
ME:  NO, Maybe when you come home.  You have waited 8 years I think you can wait a few more weeks. 
JAMES: What do you mean NO ? 
ME: NO, NOPE, Opposite of Yes… LOL
JAMES:  I definitely don’t like the word No now.  8 years was 8 years to long. 
ME:  I think you will be fine waiting a little longer. 
JAMES: You’re a comedian.
ME:  You ran off and got married. 
JAMES: Yes, and I made a mistake. 
ME: It’s okay.  But now if you want me, You have to come and get me. 
JAMES: I leave Canada tomorrow…what do I get when I come back home, you under me or on top… YOUR choice. 
ME: LOL !! You’re pretty sure of yourself huh???
JAMES: You’re not??
ME: Have you really through this out?  Are you really planning on leaving her?
JAMES:  What are you expecting?
ME: I don’t expect anything because you’re the one that’s married now.  There is nothing I can do about that fact. 
JAMES:  Not at all – YOU have a big say in this. 
ME:  I mean really have you really thought about this?  Are you gonna give up your new house, your land?  I’m not moving there. So are you planning on moving back here? You’re the one that would have to make a lot of changes and I don’t know that you have really thought this through. 
JAMES: You know I have been looking for you for years. I told you that. My marriage has been over for years as well. I don’t care about the house and land, she can have it, if it means I need to move back to be with you I will do that.  I just want you to gimme another chance, I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t let you go this time. 
ME: I don’t want to be the reason you finally divorce and I can’t promise that there will be a future with us. A long time has gone by and people change. 
JAMES: I just want you to see me, gimme that. I need to see you. I need to hold you again. I have missed you more than you know. 
ME:  I’m just not used to you being so vocal with your feelings.  It’s a little scary to me. 
JAMES: Well that doesn’t really answer my question, but I want to see you, I really do. 
ME: I’m blown away by you telling me how you feel. I would like to see you again. 
JAMES: Do you plan on marrying him?  
ME:  I do not plan on marring him or anyone else anytime soon.  I especially will not marry him while he is still on probation. 
JAMES: Well I hope you don’t.  I hope you wait and give me a chance to show you I have changed and show you how much I love you. 
ME: Well lets just take things one day at a time and see what happens.

THERE YOU GO – Do you see the nonsense I am dealing with as of late??? The kicker here and the reason I haven’t just told James to go take a flying leap…  I really did care about him back then, however I never came out and told him so.  He had a hard exterior and was not going to be open up and let a woman get in close enough to hurt him, so he kept me at arms distance and never expressed his feelings so I in turn didn’t either.

I don’t know what has changed this man, but there is definitely a change.  Maybe its age that has matured him, time, I have no clue, maybe it is just what he says and losing me was a mistake and he’s gonna do whatever it takes to get show me that and make sure not to let it happen again… I have no idea.  Here are how our latest texts have been going…

JAMES: Hello beautiful are you off work yet?
ME: I just left the office.
JAMES: How was your day?
ME: It was good, but much better now that it’s over.
JAMES: You have been on my mind all day.
ME: That’s sweet, thank you.
JAMES: What’s your favorite flower?
ME: Tulips
JAMES: Compared to the sweet smell of your skin all flowers are skunks.
JAMES:  ❤ I’ll always remember the day I first spoke to you, hearing your voice was like listening to angels in heaven ❤
ME: OMG
ME: Where did that come from???
JAMES: I just love you and wanted you to know.
JAMES: ❤ Darling, I thought of you and it made me smile ❤
ME: Are you drunk?
ME: You have never talked like that before, it’s so new to hear you talk like that to me.  It’s so very sweet though.
JAMES: I love you and I want you to know it.
ME: It’s always nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when they are not around. (This was a quote/picture I found and sent to him)
JAMES: I like that ❤
ME: <3<3<3
JAMES: You make me feel like every day is Christmas. I want to come for a kiss under the mistletoe ❤
ME: Awww
JAMES: Wish you were laying next to me now.
ME: Awww.  Are you tired?
JAMES: Can you call?

After our phone call – 

JAMES: I adore you ❤
JAMES: It was great to talk to you my love. Just hearing your voice makes me happy.  It also makes me realize how much I miss you. I want to hold you and make love to you so bad it hurts. ❤ ❤
ME: You blow me away with the things you say these days. 
JAMES: I LOVE YOU. Nite Sexy.
ME: Night honey.

Next morning – 

JAMES: Good morning my sweet, sexy love. Hope all is well. 
ME: Morning, how are you?
JAMES: Good, woke up thinking about you.
ME: What time are you going to be in town today, do you know yet?
JAMES: Probably around 7.
ME: How long are you going to be in town before you have to leave to be back in Canada?
JAMES: I got all the time I need if it means I get to see you ❤
ME: Aww, thank you.
JAMES: Do you work tomorrow?
ME: Nope
JAMES: <3<3<3
JAMES: I’m on the way to see you, 20 mins to town.  I Love You and can’t wait to finally hold you.
JAMES: I wish I could hear your voice right now because I miss you so much.
JAMES: I made it, so call me when your ready.  I can’t wait to get you in my arms, I might never let you go again.  I can’t wait to tell you I love you in person, I have been waiting 8 years to do just that. 

So I suppose you can guess that I went to meet up with James, and you would be correct.  I’m going to leave the story there for now.  It  was really strange seeing him after so long, but it was nice to see him.

This is just one of the causes for confusion and stress currently stirring up my life right now… but by far not the only thing.

I am a little lost as to what I am doing or what the future holds for me. Stay tuned to see what happens.
~McQty~

Trashcan Punch

Isn’t trashcan punch what they call it when you toss every possible alcohol within arms distance together in a big bowl or trashcan? Well this post is going to be a form of trashcan punch cause I’m gonna throw a bunch of stuff in here.

Sorry for those of you that were hoping for a recipe 😀 but if you have a good one to share…

So I know I have been neglecting my blog and I deserve a good spanking.  So much has been going on, but then again, isn’t that always my excuse when I’m MIA for a period of time.  Shouldn’t that be when I’m blogging the most? You would think so huh? Well I’ve been known to be half-ass-backwards…

So last I blogged about being at the dr and hoping to get a good report.  I actually did and would like to share some of my results with you.  I was delighted to find out that I had lost 3.5 lbs in 10 days from the date I had started my 2nd diet pill.  So that was super exciting. I was so excited that when the nurse got me back to my room, I warned her that my blood pressure would probably be high because I was excited.  Sure enough it was.  Anyway… I met with my nutritionist, told her all the changes I had made in my diet. Cut out butter almost completely. I had cut back on fried foods, lots more water, more seafood, taking my vitamins and fish oil, using my flax seed and light and greek yogurts and I could tell a big difference since starting these diet pills in my appetite and my energy level.  I told her about joining the YMCA again and she was overall thrilled.  I shared with her my pirates booty, my new favorite healthy snack. Told her about my other healthy go to snacks as well.  She was really excited to see the changes I had made as well.   I then got to see the dr.  We got my blood sugar results back and my A1C had dropped from 8.3 down to 7.2 in 3 months.  I was thrilled.  She was very excited too. She was glad to see that I had improved in testing my sugars and was doing it regularly which I had not been doing previously.  The other reports hadn’t come back yet which were the numbers I really wanted to find out… my cholesterol numbers… so I was a little disappointed.  But I did get to find out before I left for the day.  Here are some of my results.  I was so excited.  My prev date was 8/14, Current date is 11/14

Cholesterol     Prev (236)  Current (143) goal to get lower
Triglyceride    Prev(1051) Current (195) (I ate some garlic butter chicken fajitas the day before blood work prev so that’s why so high) still need to get lower
HDL     Prev (27)  Current (35) still need to get higher
LDL Cholesterol   Prev (90)  Current (69)

The report – I saw it actually said “LDL (bad cholesterol) should be under 100 mg/dl. Your LDL cholesterol is good!”  I have NEVER had anything say anything to do with my cholesterol was GOOD… I was so thrilled and was so happy to see that my hard work was actually showing.

The dietitian called me later in the week to tell me how proud she was and told me that they never have patients that bring their numbers down that fast in that short amount of time ever. I felt really good about the progress I was making and it makes me only want to continue and do more and try harder.

So yesterday 12/04/12 I had another follow up with my reg dr here in town that I see with my diet pill and da dat da daaa… I lost 6 lbs this month !! I was so excited.  I haven’t been trying as hard as I can or should and I haven’t been really restricting myself from anything except butter and sweets.  So now that I see that just that is working I’m gonna kick it into gear.  I went shopping with my sister on Saturday after we pampered ourselves at the spa first.  While trying on clothes the sales lady brought me the wrong size, (size smaller) and I wasn’t sure about trying it on, but I did anyway… IT FIT PERFECT !!! I was so excited, I almost squealed in the dressing room.  I almost ran to the check out to buy them 🙂   So that totally made my day.

On another front… I had a guy I dated over 8 years ago look me up on fb and that was such a shock.  After responding to him and catching up for about 20 mins he proceeds to tell me that he made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go so long ago. I was like wow, that was out of nowhere. I asked why and he said he didn’t know what he had until I walked out of his life.  He said that he tried to find me over the years and was unable.  He said that he didn’t know just how much he loved me until I was gone.  I was floored.  I really cared about this guy back then.  I never expressed how much I cared about him because he had this wall up and kept me at arms length away.  He never expressed his true feelings to me, so I had no clue.  He asked me what ever happened to us, why did I leave him.  I honestly didn’t know.  I think at the time I was dating a couple of different guys and someone or something became more interesting or became more of a serious deal and I walked away from him.  That’s the only thing I can think of.   So now’s he’s making it known that if he was to ever get another chance he would never make that same mistake twice. So that’s sorta strange.

I did mention it to Chris because I did give the guy my number, his name is James by the way in case I later decide to tell something else. I’m sure something might come up again.  So I did tell Chris about it… He didn’t seem to worried.   But the week after we came home from my mom’s for Thanksgiving as we were sitting on the couch watching tv. I was on the computer not really paying to much attention and Chris said is that what you want and I looked up and saw a jewelry commercial on the tv.  I said what? Diamonds? of course you can’t go wrong with diamonds.  He’s been at me about what I want for Christmas and my birthday for weeks now.  He then said no, the other.  I said what other.  He said, TO GET MARRIED.   I almost choked.  I said whoa, that was outta the blue. Where did that come from.  He said well it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  I said, what’s been on your mind.  He said well, have we waited long enough, how long is long enough, how long should you wait, should I say something, should I just come out and ask, should we talk about it, those kinds of things.  I was so shocked.  I just kept taking a drink of water every time he stopped talking because I didn’t know what to say.  I finally said well that really came out of the blue.  Then I got up and went to the bathroom.  I didn’t really know what to think of all of that.  Was that suppose to be a question? Was that just information? Is he just testing the waters to see what I might say?  WHAT THE HELL??  I know I am not ready to get married. I know that for a fact.  I won’t be for some time.  I know I love Chris or I wouldn’t put up with half of the stuff I have and still put up with on a regular basis… but there are just unresolved things that need to be finalized, taken care of and discussed before we even get to the point of discussing that topic.  He’s also really pushing us going to court to get custody of his son, and to be completely honest I don’t want custody of his son.  Besides the fact that the costs it would take to go to court would all be put on me, I do not want his son living with us full time.  I have voiced that to Chris a couple of times and all it does is cause a huge fight.  So if it comes down to it, that will be a cause for us to split.  That I know for sure.  I am not going to budge on that point there.

I got my 12 Days of Christmas Swop package in the mail last week and I am super excited to start blogging about my gifts starting Monday the 10th… I’m excited for Janet to get her package and to read her posts as she opens her gifts.

Well, I will close for now, cause my fingers are worn out, and I need a break.  I will be back soon.  Happy Hump Day Folks !!
~McQty~

Where’s the time go?

Where the heck did October go? 2012 is almost over.  Where does the time go?  This past weekend we made a quick trip back home to see my family and watch my youngest nephew play in his last soccer game of the season.  I miss the days when I got to go and watch the kids in their sporting events.  Working 2 jobs just does not allow me that luxury anymore.  I took Saturday off from the pt job and we headed out Friday night after work.  I made sure my sister didn’t say anything to Frankie cause I wanted him to be surprised.  I love how excited he gets when I come home to visit. He is such an awesome kid.  Well we made it to town just after 9pm and I told my sister we needed to grab some dinner b/c we didn’t stop to eat on the way, so we decided to all meet up at Taco Casa. I love their nachos !! So we got there before my sister arrived and she and I were texting each other back and forth the whole way to the place.  The texts were sooo funny.  Here are some of the texts… (I can be a dork when I get excited and I was definitely excited) We cut it close because we had to go by my mom’s to drop off my dogs so they were not in the car while we ate.  My sister had picked my mom up some food and was in route to her house… So we dropped off the dogs and left asap.

SISTER: Getting moms food now and going to take it to her. 
ME: We have to drop the dogs off there. We are dropping them off now then leaving for TC.
ME: Leaving for TC now.
SISTER: I’m heading to moms
ME: We left there, don’t let Frankie go in cause he will see our dogs.  Be sure to park far enough back in the driveway that he can’t see into the house.
SISTER:I’ll meet you at TC in a minute. 
ME: Hurry I am hungry
SISTER: I’m trying. 
ME: Tell me when you do the drop off at mom’s.  This Chicken has flown the coop. 
ME: The blue bird is near it’s destination (my car is blue)
SISTER: I just did the drop off, now turning onto highway.
ME: The blue bird has landed and is waiting for you at the TC. 
ME: The blue bird will land on the other side of beaner joint so he doesn’t see us.
SISTER: K
ME: We have landed.
ME: We are waiting on the silver bullet with the little Indian boy to arrive (my sister’s van is silver and we are native american)
SISTER: I’m in the red wagon. Just passed the truck stop. (she had my moms vehicle)
ME: OHHH blue bird is waiting on Red Robin.
SISTER: @ the Walmart stop sign.
ME: Red Robin has a broken wing, it’s moving slow.
SISTER: @ 4 way stop.
ME: I’m about to fry up that bird and eat it. 
SISTER: Pullin in.

So we waited for them to enter the building and then we went around and entered behind them. We stood there for a good minute before Frankie finally turned around and saw me and the look on his little face was priceless.  I love that face !!  He was so excited and I was so happy to surprise him.  First thing he said was you can go to my game tomorrow… I said that’s the reason I am here.

The next morning we were up bright and early, bundled up (it’s COLD in Tx) and headed to the field.  They won their game 4-1 and ended up coming in 2nd place.  His team also won the sportsmanship award and his coach got coach of the year.  I was so proud.

I have to tell you, I laughed so hard during his game, I literally had tears.  After half time, Frankie was running out onto the field in his green shirt and socks.  His dad who is usually really quiet and reserved and also embarrasses easily yelled out – GO GREEN GO !!!  I heard (GO GRINGO) I turned to him and said who the heck are you calling a GRINGO ??  He said what? I said, you said GO GREEN GO (GO GRINGO) and we all busted out laughing.  It was so funny.  Then I said the funny thing is, a mexican is calling another mexican a GRINGO.  I could not stop laughing.  Just as I had regained my composure and dried my eyes, another parent down the way yells GO GREEN GO (GO GRINGO) and I lost it all over again.  The little things that amuse me… sooo funny.  We then did some grilling and had a cake for my mom’s birthday since I won’t be able to be there on the 7th when her real day comes around.  She was surprised as well cause she had no idea.  The time went way to fast and we were back on the road to home to get ready for work on Sunday.

I hope you all had a great weekend and found something to make you smile.  My sister’s kids (my babies) definitely make me smile.

Happy Monday All !!
~McQty~

 

The one I let go…

Yep, he’s not the one that GOT AWAY, he’s the one I let go.  I walked away from one of the best boyfriends I have ever had.  When I moved to the DFW area in Jan of 2000 I knew, NO ONE.  I think I had only been to this area only 2 times before and that was passing through.  I had to learn my way around, find a place to live, make new friends and FAST !  I met HT that first fall that I was here and he sorta swept me off my feet.   He was so smart and driven and just an all around great guy.  He had money to spend, but was frugal.  He was a suit and tie kinda guy but always looked like a college student.  I used to give him a hard time about him being a “professional student” because he had so much education and was still going to school.  When I met him he had 2 Masters and 2 Bachelors and was still going to school.  Since then he has gotten his Doctrine.   He’s not one you want to play trivia games with for sure.  We had similar interests and got along well.  I was so green back then, I had just moved from a small town that I had grown up in for most of my life that didn’t even have a Wal-Mart, so moving to the “big city” was like Alice walking through the looking glass (and just as crazy).  HT was a very giving person, well traveled and experienced in all areas of life.  He opened my eyes to so many things.  He spoiled me rotten, literally.  I think I would definitely consider myself spoiled at times and now I am accustomed to getting what I want and having things my way that it makes it difficult for other people in my life at times.  I can be such a brat !  Anyway, I experienced a lot of first with HT.  He took me on my first trip to Vegas (of course he paid for everything).  My first “real” trip/vacation was when he took me to LA/Vegas/San Diego. Our vacation was lasted about 9 days I think.  He spoiled me on this trip, in LA he took me to Universal Studios, Mann’s Chinese Theatre, Wax Museum, Rodeo Drive.  We drove to Vegas after 2 days in LA and stayed at the Luxor, he took me to some amazing shows.  He took me to see Penn & Teller with backstage passes to meet the two after the show.  Then after 4 days in Vegas we went to San Diego to a private resort area where clothing was optional.  For the record, I was so against going there and was literally terrified.  The closer we got it started raining and so no naked folks were out running around, thank goodness.  I think my mom got a kick out of when I called her from inside our cabin telling her I was hiding out inside while HT was walking around with just his flip flops on… OMG (I laugh so hard thinking about it now) It was really amazing at night though to go down to the pool when no one was there and swim naked. I loved that.  I didn’t like the view at the tennis courts the next day watching the old women and men playing tennis minus their clothes. I swear I was the youngest person there.  We left and went to the San Diego Zoo which was amazing. I loved all the animals and such.  This was an amazing vacation.  He took me to have my first bite of sushi and I fell in love with it.  He taught me to try so many new things that I never would have otherwise and just really opened my eyes to all sorts of things.  Unfortunately after a year and half and living with him, I knew he was not the “forever” one. I just didn’t feel that fire in my belly or lower regions that I thought I should for a man I want to spend forever with.  Hate to say it, but this is my place to be honest as I want to be and one of my biggest turn offs was that he was uncircumcised and it sorta grossed me out.  It was like playing hide and seek with a turtle.  Here I am, now I’m gone, here I am again.  It was more funny to me than it was a turn on and I just had a hard time kissing that turtle. (SORRY MOM, just being honest)  I loved HT, very much and he was so good to me, but I couldn’t be his forever either.  We split and I moved out and got my own apt. I had nothing at that time as far as furniture and he actually furnished my apt.  He bought my living room furniture (sofa, love seat, coffee table, end tables, lamps) . He bought my bed (beautiful solid wood sleigh bed with pillow top mattress) . He bought me a full computer set up, desk and chair because I was wanting to go back to school and said I would need it.  Even after we broke up we stayed very close.  I went right back to dating which he told me a week later that it crushed him that I moved on so fast.  Well I had known the way I felt for awhile, so I was over the hurt sooner than he was.  He didn’t date anyone for some time. We still went out all the time to the movies, dinner and such so it was like we were still dating just not calling it that and not sleeping together.  Even after splitting up we still went on vacations together. He took me to Vegas 2 more times.  One trip to vegas we took was for 7 days because he was playing in a hockey tournament… 7 days is tooo long to be in Vegas.  I was exhausted and ready to come home for sure.  He was always so good about flowers for v-day, my birthday and always my favs.  He still used to do that even when he started dating another girl.  She didn’t like the idea of how much time we spent together and how he still bought me gifts while he was dating her.  Let me tell you about one of the most romantic things he EVER did, and this was after we had already split up and were NO longer a couple.  I’m pretty sure I was dating someone else at this time because he had comment on the flowers I had rec’d that were sitting on the counter when he came over to give me my present.  We sat down on the couch and he had a small gift bag and he gave me a card out of it and said that’s all he had for me but would get me something later. I was like, WHAT?? and then he pulled a little box out. I opened it and it was small diamond earrings from Kay Jewelers.  They were great but I looked around him as if he had more stuff. He says, gosh you barely looked at those. I felt bad and was all, no they are GREAT, I love em. I was just seeing what you were hiding, he said nothing and gave me the little bag and it had a little envelope in it the size of a business card.  It had my name on the outside and when I opened it, I pulled out a business card which was from Tiffany’s and he said flip it over and I did and it said there is something waiting for you at Tiffany’s.  I freaked the hell out. I was like OMG, lets go lets go.  The Tiffany’s store is sorta far away so we drove all the way down to the galleria to go there.  I felt so under dressed going in. He told me to go up to the counter and give them the card.  So I did and they brought me this beautiful necklace that had a heart pendant on it.  It was awesome, but he said if I didn’t like it and wanted something else I could look around.  I loved it, but wanted to still look.  I found another necklace that I liked more and so he switched them and paid the difference in price for the one I ended up getting.  It was pretty awesome.  He was always surprising me like that.  One time he came over to my apt and when I left the room he put a Tiffany’s box on my fireplace mantle between some candles and waited for me to find it.  I loved his creativity !! He was always doing stuff like this for me.  Even when I was dating my ex husband, HT had asked me what I wanted for my bday/christmas.  I would always answer whatever but you can’t go wrong with jewelry.  That year I got a ring from Tiffany’s.  It was an eternal band, nothing fancy, but it was beautiful and I think a symbol that we would always be connected in one way or another.

Well time has gone by and he finally got over the crushed feeling I left him with and after dating a woman for the last 10 years and her harping to get married, she finally got her way.  The reason I say that, is I know his wife, through him. She used to hate me b/c she hated how much time and all the things he did with me. I showed her I was no harm that if I wanted him she would have never met him.  I think she got jealous at some of the things he did for me but he’s done so much for her too.  Anyway he used to have long conversations about her and their relationship and how he wasn’t sure she was a forever for him.  Well he got to the point where I don’t think he wants to be alone and that was a way to make sure he’s not.  Anyway, they got married in March after a brief engagement.  He’s been working over in Italy and Paris for the last several years as a professor and now he has taken a job in Quebec so he is moving there today.  He called me up and said he wanted to see me and take me to dinner before leaving today, so we met and had dinner, yummy sushi, last night and visited until they kicked us outta the restaurant.  It was good catching up.  He’s already wanting to know when I’m coming up to visit.  I was like… April, when the snow melts. HAHA

Anyway, I am so thankful to have met HT and to have had him in my life the past 12+ years.  I wish him the best in Quebec, but he told me he wasn’t selling his house here, the house we lived in together.  And that they would be back in 4 years.  He has everything so well planned out, I wish I was that organized.

Some people are meant to cross your path and others are meant to walk along that path with you.  I am thankful that HT walked down my path.

~McQty~

What’s happenin?

Been a busy week so far. Sunday, Chris and I drove back to my home town for a quick visit with my family and to pick up the truck we bought. When my sister found out I was coming, the first thing she asked was could I cook when I got there. Her daughter was begging for some Chicken & dumplins… so I told her to boil the chickens and I would fix it when I got there.  It turned out amazing as usual and most everyone went back for 2nds.

One of my sister’s in-laws is having a baby and she asked me if I could make a diaper cake for her to take to the shower.  She knows I’m more of the crafty one, so I thought I would give it a shot.  It turned out quite cute.  I didn’t have long to work on it and was only working with what she had so I was a little limited, but it still was cute.  Here’s a photo of it.

 

 

Monday I took off so I could spend some time with the fam before Chris and I had to come back home.  I got to meet my oldest nephew for lunch, I can’t believe how much he has grown and matured.  He is a jr now and is just growing up to fast for my liking 🙂 But I am super proud of the young man he has become.  I then picked up my youngest nephew from school and got to hear about his day and how things are going in school and with his friends.  He’s 10 and has a heart the size of Tx.  He is so thoughtful and considerate of other people, just a great kid.  Later my niece called me to come and pick her up from the high school after practice.  She is the trainer for the volleyball and basketball teams.  She’s a soph and she’s growing up too fast also.  She and I did some talking over the time I was there and she told me about a boy she was crushing on who graduated last year… OH MY.  I saw some of the texts they were sending and he seems to be a sweet guy… so far.  He asked her on a date and to homecoming, but she said she was already planning to go with a girlfriend of hers.  She also told me she doesn’t like going out with guys and being alone with them, it makes her uncomfortable. (Good answer!!) She would rather friends or other people be around.  I told her she should just let him know she was going to be at the bonfire this week and he should make an appearance and say hello.  I just want her to be careful whatever she decides.  These are all the things I miss out on being away from home.  I miss my mom and gpa and sister and friends, but I miss my sister’s kiddos the most.   So overall it was a GREAT visit, but as always too short.

So Monday night after Chris and I got back home, I logged onto my Facebook account and saw the friend request icon lit up, when I clicked to find out who had friend requested me, it was my ex-husband.  I gasped.  Chris who was on the couch beside me said WHAT, I said oh my gosh, that’s so weird.  I told him my ex-husband friend requested me. He said okay – sooo?  I said that’s weird, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in about 5 years.  Chris wasn’t worried about it, but I thought it was so strange.  I had hooked his brother up with one of my friends back in the day and after we divorced she told me that my ex (Tommy) had gotten another DWI and was suppose to go to jail.  Well  I haven’t talked to Susan in a couple of years so I never knew what happened.  I ended up looking up the local county and his name and found out that he had been sentenced to prison.  So I didn’t accept him, I just sent a message and say hello stranger, how’s life treating you.  He later responded and said I wouldn’t believe it if he told me, so I of course inquired as if I didn’t know already and he said he had gotten another DWI and went to jail for 4 years.  He said he just got back on Monday and was living at his parents.  I have to admit it made me feel good that the day he got back he went looking me up.  I knew I was hard to forget 😛  HAHA

So we exchanged a few emails back and forth yesterday. A friend at work asked me if I still had feelings. I told her that I didn’t think so, but had to admit I would like him to know how much my life has improved and how well I am doing now and what he has missed out on.  I still have the dog we got together when we were married and so we talked about him some.  He mentioned the woman he was with before he went to jail, bailed on him after a year in and so they were done. He said she wanted to get back together and he said that he told her he couldn’t trust her to ever be in a relationship with her again.  Well I hadn’t mentioned anything about Chris at this point and he said he would like to give me a call on Sun night if that was okay.  Today I emailed him about Chris and my life with Chris, he hasn’t responded since I sent that email this morning.  So I’m not sure if he is wanting to be friends or what.  It’s kinda surreal.  I didn’t think I felt anything, but I have to admit, I have checked my email a dozen times or so since sending my last email to see if he has responded.  I feel anxious, I want to read his reply already.  I would never leave Chris for Tommy.  Chris is my now and my future and Tommy lost out on his opportunity years ago.  But yes, I loved Tommy dearly. I waited for him and was sure of everything when we married.  I just wasn’t prepared for him to turn into a different person after the I Do’s.  Not a horrible person, just a person I didn’t know.  Anyway…

Chris is out of school this week before the next qtr starts up next week and it just so happens a friend of mine had extra tickets to the Ranger’s game today at 1 pm.  Chris is a fan borderline obsessed fan.  He loves his sports.  So I got in contact with my friend who said she would meet Chris at 3rd base before the game.  So of course he has to send me a picture of the great seat he is in and tell me he wishes I was there.

I’m so jealous.  I’m stuck here at work, working hard as you can tell 🙂 haha No really I am… just taking a quick break to breathe.  Well I’m gonna close for now, gotta check my email again 🙂 haha

What’s a girl to do?

~McQty~

 

My heart is heavy

I have a very dear friend that I went to school with in grade school and we reconnected a couple of years ago, thanks to Facebook. (Shout Out)

Let’s call my dear friend, Sass-a-frass.  I love this girl.  She is such an awesome woman.  She has the best sense of humor and she can make you pee from laughter just listening to her tell a story.  She’s so animated and so witty and she could easily be a comedian if she decided on a career change.  She’s a amazing wife and a mother and a type of woman that if she’s your friend, she’s your friend for life.  She’s sassy, and sexy, we already talked about how funny she is, she’s loyal, she’s caring, she’s strong and so much more.  She has the sweetest kiddos.  Her handsome young man that is wiser than his years.  He’s such a gentleman and just a pleasure to talk to.  She was a single mom with him for the most part and didn’t treat him like a baby and he is so bright because of it all.  She has a 1 yr old beautiful baby girl that will melt anyones heart.  She’s so foo foo and girlie, and I know she’s gonna grow up to be fiesty like her momma.  

Well I got some great news from Sass-a-Frass (SAF) last week, first we were nervous and she said she was late, her little one just turned one and SAF and her hubby were already busy with plans for finding a house and moving to a better location and all that goes along with that, so it wasn’t something that was timely.  I told her I would pray for the Period Fairy to visit her and soon…. well the next day I get a picture from SAF and it’s a pee stick with 2 blue lines… IT”S A BOY she says.  I was like WHAT? how do you know that.  She just had a feeling, she dreamed about a boy.  Well the excitement exploded.  SAF and her hubby tried for baby for 1o years with no luck and then the  little munchkin came along last year.  She is a delight and a blessing and this new baby (boy or girl) was going to be just as much a blessing.  Her husband was excited and so was I… I was already thinking of plans for a baby shower.  I did the last one for her so I have to out do that !! Plus I love shopping for babies and SAF is a cute preggo.  She a rail with a bump, she doesn’t know how to get fat.  One of the biggest excitements was she was gonna have some big boobs again being preggo.  You know it’s the little things that excite us at times.  So I was tickeled for SAF – for her soon to be big boobs and baby bump.

Yesterday I get a text from SAF and she lets me know that they found a house and they were going to be moving in at the end of the month. OH JOY, I was so excited for them.  I know how much more I love my house vs. the apt lifestyle.  She’s going to have rooms for each of the munchkins and a fenced in back yard and she was going to be closer to her sister too, I think that’s a good thing, but not 100% on that one 😛  Things just seemed to be falling into place and I was happy for her and her wonderful little family.

This morning I get a text that SAF has been in the ER all morning and she has lost the baby.  I was in a meeting and gasped when I read the text.  I did all I could to not tear up in front of all my co-workers and bosses.  It broke my heart for her, her hubby and baby’s big brother and sister.  If anyone deserves babies is this woman. SAF is such an awesome mom and any kid would be lucky to have her as their mom.  I’m at my desk and it’s pretty deserted right now in the office so I don’t mind the tears now.  My heart goes out to her.  I hope she finds peace with this and continues to have more babies in the future.  I need babies to spoil and it’s more fun to spoil others kids, so I’m leaving the child bearing up to her.

I love you Sass-A-Frass and I am thankful for your friendship and sharing your sweet family and life with me.  I will see you soon.  I am always a hop, skip and a jump away… and I can cut one of those out if you need me sooner.

XOXOXO
~McQty~