Old Flame

In other recent news as of late – (MOM – you might not want to read this either)

I had previously mentioned James, the guy I dated many years ago.   He  looked me up after 8 years to profess his love for me and the mistake he made by letting me go so many years ago and how he would like to correct that mistake if he ever got the chance to do so. We have played catch up as to what’s going on in each of our lives. First I was flattered and shocked by the comments.  He wasn’t one to express his feelings in the past.  Might have been one of the reasons I left him.  I then inquired as to why?  He said he didn’t realize what he had until I walked out.  I was like wow, that’s very sweet of you to say.  So he’s been blowing up my phone and calling and telling me how much he loves me.  He said he loved me back then but didn’t know how to say it or show it properly.  He tells me all the time how he would go back and change things if he could, how his life would be so different if he would have chased me down.  He said he had looked for me over the years and never found me.  My stuff is invisible on FB, so you can’t find me very easily.  He tells me how much he misses me and misses the times we had and blah blah… it’s crazy.  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? All of this definitely brings back feelings I had for him once upon a time and it makes me wonder what if?

He travels a lot for his job, so that helps right now him not being close enough to do me danger (meaning get me in trouble-tempt me) right now.  He has been messaging and calling me quite a bit and at one point was upset about a comment made on FB about Chris bringing marriage up.  I never said anywhere on FB that I had said yes. I said that it was out of the blue and I thought Chris was just fishing for information.  So James was upset and was asking if I was planning on marrying Chris.   I did have to bring him back to reality in our text message following that, here’s how it went:

JAMES: Greetings from frozen Canada
ME:  Hi
JAMES: Are you naked?? I wanna see…
ME: I’m still at work
JAMES: So that’s a no huh..
ME: LOL
JAMES: What time do you get off tonight? 
ME: I’m leaving in a few minutes
JAMES: So naked by 530…. COOL
ME: It’s nearly 6 now. 
JAMES: Sorry on mountain time here.
ME: It’s okay
JAMES: So you will be naked for me by 6:30, 7 somewhere in there?
ME: No, I’m not getting naked till bed time. 
JAMES: That’s a yes. Your bedtime needs to be 7 tonight. 
ME: LOL I don’t think so. 
JAMES: You’re getting the theme here right? I WANNA SEE YOU NAKED !!!
ME: I somehow figured that one out. 
JAMES: I wanna see you now !
ME: Well then you better come home. 
JAMES: I can’t wait till then. 
ME:  NO, Maybe when you come home.  You have waited 8 years I think you can wait a few more weeks. 
JAMES: What do you mean NO ? 
ME: NO, NOPE, Opposite of Yes… LOL
JAMES:  I definitely don’t like the word No now.  8 years was 8 years to long. 
ME:  I think you will be fine waiting a little longer. 
JAMES: You’re a comedian.
ME:  You ran off and got married. 
JAMES: Yes, and I made a mistake. 
ME: It’s okay.  But now if you want me, You have to come and get me. 
JAMES: I leave Canada tomorrow…what do I get when I come back home, you under me or on top… YOUR choice. 
ME: LOL !! You’re pretty sure of yourself huh???
JAMES: You’re not??
ME: Have you really through this out?  Are you really planning on leaving her?
JAMES:  What are you expecting?
ME: I don’t expect anything because you’re the one that’s married now.  There is nothing I can do about that fact. 
JAMES:  Not at all – YOU have a big say in this. 
ME:  I mean really have you really thought about this?  Are you gonna give up your new house, your land?  I’m not moving there. So are you planning on moving back here? You’re the one that would have to make a lot of changes and I don’t know that you have really thought this through. 
JAMES: You know I have been looking for you for years. I told you that. My marriage has been over for years as well. I don’t care about the house and land, she can have it, if it means I need to move back to be with you I will do that.  I just want you to gimme another chance, I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t let you go this time. 
ME: I don’t want to be the reason you finally divorce and I can’t promise that there will be a future with us. A long time has gone by and people change. 
JAMES: I just want you to see me, gimme that. I need to see you. I need to hold you again. I have missed you more than you know. 
ME:  I’m just not used to you being so vocal with your feelings.  It’s a little scary to me. 
JAMES: Well that doesn’t really answer my question, but I want to see you, I really do. 
ME: I’m blown away by you telling me how you feel. I would like to see you again. 
JAMES: Do you plan on marrying him?  
ME:  I do not plan on marring him or anyone else anytime soon.  I especially will not marry him while he is still on probation. 
JAMES: Well I hope you don’t.  I hope you wait and give me a chance to show you I have changed and show you how much I love you. 
ME: Well lets just take things one day at a time and see what happens.

THERE YOU GO – Do you see the nonsense I am dealing with as of late??? The kicker here and the reason I haven’t just told James to go take a flying leap…  I really did care about him back then, however I never came out and told him so.  He had a hard exterior and was not going to be open up and let a woman get in close enough to hurt him, so he kept me at arms distance and never expressed his feelings so I in turn didn’t either.

I don’t know what has changed this man, but there is definitely a change.  Maybe its age that has matured him, time, I have no clue, maybe it is just what he says and losing me was a mistake and he’s gonna do whatever it takes to get show me that and make sure not to let it happen again… I have no idea.  Here are how our latest texts have been going…

JAMES: Hello beautiful are you off work yet?
ME: I just left the office.
JAMES: How was your day?
ME: It was good, but much better now that it’s over.
JAMES: You have been on my mind all day.
ME: That’s sweet, thank you.
JAMES: What’s your favorite flower?
ME: Tulips
JAMES: Compared to the sweet smell of your skin all flowers are skunks.
JAMES:  ❤ I’ll always remember the day I first spoke to you, hearing your voice was like listening to angels in heaven ❤
ME: OMG
ME: Where did that come from???
JAMES: I just love you and wanted you to know.
JAMES: ❤ Darling, I thought of you and it made me smile ❤
ME: Are you drunk?
ME: You have never talked like that before, it’s so new to hear you talk like that to me.  It’s so very sweet though.
JAMES: I love you and I want you to know it.
ME: It’s always nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when they are not around. (This was a quote/picture I found and sent to him)
JAMES: I like that ❤
ME: <3<3<3
JAMES: You make me feel like every day is Christmas. I want to come for a kiss under the mistletoe ❤
ME: Awww
JAMES: Wish you were laying next to me now.
ME: Awww.  Are you tired?
JAMES: Can you call?

After our phone call – 

JAMES: I adore you ❤
JAMES: It was great to talk to you my love. Just hearing your voice makes me happy.  It also makes me realize how much I miss you. I want to hold you and make love to you so bad it hurts. ❤ ❤
ME: You blow me away with the things you say these days. 
JAMES: I LOVE YOU. Nite Sexy.
ME: Night honey.

Next morning – 

JAMES: Good morning my sweet, sexy love. Hope all is well. 
ME: Morning, how are you?
JAMES: Good, woke up thinking about you.
ME: What time are you going to be in town today, do you know yet?
JAMES: Probably around 7.
ME: How long are you going to be in town before you have to leave to be back in Canada?
JAMES: I got all the time I need if it means I get to see you ❤
ME: Aww, thank you.
JAMES: Do you work tomorrow?
ME: Nope
JAMES: <3<3<3
JAMES: I’m on the way to see you, 20 mins to town.  I Love You and can’t wait to finally hold you.
JAMES: I wish I could hear your voice right now because I miss you so much.
JAMES: I made it, so call me when your ready.  I can’t wait to get you in my arms, I might never let you go again.  I can’t wait to tell you I love you in person, I have been waiting 8 years to do just that. 

So I suppose you can guess that I went to meet up with James, and you would be correct.  I’m going to leave the story there for now.  It  was really strange seeing him after so long, but it was nice to see him.

This is just one of the causes for confusion and stress currently stirring up my life right now… but by far not the only thing.

I am a little lost as to what I am doing or what the future holds for me. Stay tuned to see what happens.
~McQty~