I Told You So

It’s kinda strange that yesterday Dr. Phil’s episode was about violent teens.  The main guest was a family with a very violent 15 yr old boy that did all kinds of violent acts.  Several of the things he did, were also things that Chris’s son has done recently or in the past. Some of the things including: 
*Yelling and Lashing out at parents / adults
*Being aggressive toward other children / peers
*Being suspended and having detention
*Cursing and yelling at teachers / coaches
*Threw a desk at a teacher. 
*Throwing objects, breaking things. 
*Lying, talking back
*Stealing, being sneaky, hiding objects
*Talking aggressively, finding pleasure in violence and weapons
*Threatening people 

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.  I asked Chris to sit down with me and watch the Dr Phil episode.  I just kept looking over at Chris and then I said do you see why I have the fears I do?  Then the CPS worker who had come earlier to pick his son up to take him for a visit with his mom and younger bro and sister brought him back to the house. She told us that he acted out during the visit at the CPS office, and lashed out at his mother. He was screaming and yelling at her, calling her a liar and they had to get a police officer to restrain him in another room.  I asked Chris after the CPS worker left, do you see what I am trying to tell you?  Chris always comes back with “have you seen him act that way over here?” I said well not really, but he is over here for maybe a day or two every once in awhile.  He’s not here permanently and so it’s sorta like a vacation from his normal routine so he’s not going to act out cause it’s like a reward to get away. I said but once he’s been here awhile and you (Chris) start telling him NO and you (Chris) start taking away things as a punishment or you (Chris) tell him his friends can’t come over or start telling him to do his chores or getting onto him about things then you (Chris) will see him lash out at you. I told him to MARK MY WORDS.  I said those are the times I am worried about. 

So then I was trying to explain to Chris that his whole life he has made excuses for his own behavior and at this point he tells me things like I don’t know how to communicate, that he doesn’t know how to show love the right way, that he doesn’t know how to show respect the right way because he wasn’t taught how to do so growing up.  He just makes excuses about everything.  I said you are teaching your son to do the same thing. This conversation started when Chris opened his son’s report card and he failed PE.  I said who the fuck fails PE?  He said he failed because he wouldn’t dress out.  I said, REALLY?  So he’s choosing to be rebellious?? See what I mean? He said well he was at his mother’s and all this stuff was going on.  I said you baby him and coddle him too much. I said he will never mature into anything responsible because he will only learn to make excuses like you do.

Anyway.  I told him, your son knows right from wrong. I said he chooses to do wrong to get the attention and you feed right into it because you give him the attention he wants. I said this is the reason why I don’t want him here because you and I will never agree on how he is disciplined. So I asked Chris what he was going to do about him failing that class, he asked me what he should do.  I told him I didn’t want any part in that.  He then went to talk to his son about it and his son has some lame excuses saying something about him failing or doing bad because he had to do his work on a computer at home and didn’t have one. I told him that the school couldn’t fail him by making him do homework on a computer unless they provided the computer at the school.  So Chris came into the living room where I was and was telling me what his son had said and told me he was going to call the school today and find out and if they said something other than what his son was saying then his son was going to be in trouble… His son was on his heels and started studering and changing his story saying well no, I need to go up to the school with you to show them my grades on their computers because they don’t know and they will lie. Chris was like why would the school lie, and he said cause they are stuck up there. I mean it got ridiculous. Chris was talking to his son about it and his son yelled at him. I just stopped what I was doing in the kitchen and looked at them and Chris said do not speak to me like that and his son snapped back and said well you are not listening to me. You need to listen to me.  Chris told him to go to his room. I was shocked. What I had been telling Chris not 20 mins before was transpiring right in front of me.  Then I went to the bathroom and I could hear Chris still talking to him in his room and I heard him say some of the same words to his son that I had just said to Chris…. like – you are just making excuses and you need to stop.  Then I heard him say, you know right from wrong. 
 
Deep down, I felt JUSTIFIED… I felt like you actually listened for a change.  I almost wanted to cry. I didn’t and I didn’t mention it to Chris either.  I just kept the justified feeling to my self. No matter how bad I wanted to say I TOLD YOU SO !!
 
~McQty~

Say it like you mean it.

Well I previously posted that last night Chris and I finally got into it. Things were so not going well at all and it was a very restless night for me.  Turns out it was quite the restless night for Chris as well, but not for the same reasons.  Turns out he was up chatting with an “old” friend on facebook… I happened to log into his fb account today and found their conversation that went on to about 330 this morning. So I copied the conversation he had with her for your reading pleasure as well.  He definitely confirms that I have been asking him to get a place for him and his son for over 2 months and he just disregarded my wishes.  

Chris: 

hey you there

Jennifer: hi
Chris: 

hello
Jennifer: whats up?

Chris: not much just needed someone to talk to

and you were online

Jennifer: Is everything ok
Chris: no not really
Jennifer: I juts got my ass kicked in farkel
Chris:
 lol. my son just moved back in with me. 
Jennifer: 
how is that going? 
Chris:
 but samantha does not want him here
Jennifer:
 oic, y? 
Chris: 
she says she is afraid of him cause he drew a picture one time of her with a knife in samantha’s head
Jennifer: 
he’s a kid
Chris:
 my son has been getting into a lot of trouble at school lately and fighting a lot she says he is very aggressive and it makes her feel unsafe. She told me this 2 months ago and I did not know what to say.  It made  me feel like I am wasting my time here with her.  I thought she wanted to be a family and she does not want to deal with my son. Yes he comes with issues but he is my son and will always be my son.
Jennifer: Right
Chris: 3 days before Christmas CPS called me and said they had removed my son from Stormi’s home, it was very unexpected. I had no choice but to have hi move in here.  Tonight she told me she wants me out.
Jennifer: Why did they take him?
Chris: Cause his brother overdosed on someones medication, they removed all the kids.
Jennifer: Oh crap. Maybe CPS can help you get a place…Ive heard sometimes they can.
Chris: she also says I do not communicate with her enough. I can get a place I am not worried about that. My boss will help me. I am just worried about not having a VEHICLE.  She got a 2nd vehicle 4 months ago so I would have a vehicle to get to and from work and now it is her vehicle and that leaves me stranded.  No way to get to work…if I move close to work then there is no buses to get to the train station to get to school.  I am just stressing really hard. I know everything will be fine.
Jennifer: When does she want you out?
Chris: She just said she wanted us out. I guess I am going to ask my boss tomorrow to help me get into a place ASAP. I have to go and report in the morning.  I guess I am not emotionally available for her cause I am trying to work everyday and go to school to make more money when I work and I already have trouble getting in community service hours and NA meetings.  Now I am not making enough time for her and I am being selfish.
Jennifer:  you just busy
Chris:sorry for spilling all that on you, thanks for listening
Jennifer: no problem hope everything works out ok
Chris: me too

I did call him up at work and ask if his boss helped him find a place today.  He said no.  I said well that’s what you told Jennifer you were gonna do.  He knew I had checked his fb then.  I then found out that the probation officer didn’t do anything to him about not doing his community service and NOT going to his NA meetings. I have to say I was quite disappointed in the system.  What do we pay all these state and county taxes for when the system is obviously failing?  Then I asked him if he got his son enrolled in school and he said no and I asked why and he said because I have to go down to the school and sign some paperwork saying that his son lives in my home.  I started laughing and so ohhh of course I do… Just another thing I HAVE to do.  Well tonight was rough yet again.  We actually got into a conversation and he kept saying, I’m sorry you feel that way.  It was driving me nuts.  I said it’s not about the way I feel, it’s about the facts.  Let’s lay it out there.  I said did I or did I not come to you months ago with my concerns? Did I not tell you what I was worried about, concerned about and what did you say? NOTHING?? he said yes.  He said he was upset that I didn’t welcome his son with open arms. I said that not everyone was going to and that he couldn’t get upset about that. He cannot force his son on me and he cannot force me to be uncomfortable in my own home.  He kept saying how he gives me his paychecks and I said and what does that go to? His probation, his court fees, his fines, his school, books, etc.  I said then when that’s all gone who has to pay the rent, utilities, the food and the rest of the bills and he said you (ME).  He said that he sees it as his and my money being put together as OUR money to pay OUR bills and that’s how I should look too.  So I said basically what your saying is if I want to be with you and live with you then I have to pay your bills and cover you ass because you don’t have a job that pays you enough to take care of yourself.  It took him awhile, but he finally said yes that’s true.  He said what other choice do I have.  I said get another job.  I said I did.  Why is it that I make great money but had to get a 2nd job to help cover your bills and worked 7 days a week for over a year for your bills?? But you can’t do the same?  I told him that this was a joke and that this was not a relationship and that he used me for what he could get out of me and that this free ride had ended and he needed to get out.  He said he would and then proceeded to ask me if i would help him move out.  OMG, I think my head almost exploded.

So we shall see…