It has hit the fan !!

Is it dirt, dust, poo – that’s it !! The shit has hit the fan !!  Last night was a rough night in my house.  It has been brewing and this volcano is about to explode.  It started months ago, but it’s all starting to get much more intense.  I previously mentioned my concerns with Chris’s son moving into my house and how afraid I was of that.  I tried talking to Chris about this over and over many times during the last couple of months because I wanted him to find a place for the 2 of them before he got custody so that there was no need for his son to come into my house and then move again later into another place with Chris.  I didn’t want it to look like I didn’t want him here to his son.  I was trying to make it easier on his son.  Well, Chris totally disregarded my feelings and went ahead and moved his son in without even discussing it with me.  I was at work when CPS picked his son up from the psychiatric hospital he had been taken to for trying to assault his mother and another adult male while at the CPS office during a visitation with him.  The foster family he had been staying with did not want him back and so they call the psych hospital to come and restrain him and take him to the institution.  Would anyone else besides me, be alarmed at this???  Just so you are all aware, when this child was 11 and lived with me for 6 months he went to school one day and was angry at me for taking his video games away for something he did wrong and he drew a picture of me with a knife in my head.  The teacher called me at work to have me get a hold of Chris so he could come up to the school, that’s when she told me what he had done.  The kid is now 15 and I don’t think he draws pictures anymore… but could be more capable of doing the action vs. drawing it.  These are just some of the reasons for my fears.  I don’t want to live in fear in my own home.  As of late since he moved in, I have pretty much stayed to myself in my room when I have been at home.  It shouldn’t have to be that way either.  Chris refuses to communicate with me about anything.  The only time he really talks to me about anything that is going on is when he needs something or wants something from me, like money, a vehicle, me to do something for me, etc.  Yesterday he was trying to enroll his son in school.  He texts me at work telling me the school needs a utility bill in his name or he needs to have himself and his son added to the lease on my house.  I told him that wasn’t going to happen.  I told him that I wasn’t going to change my life around and rearrange my bills and my lease.  I had also given him $100 bill on sunday for gas and ask that he bring me the change back, which he did not.  I got upset last night and told him that he didn’t need to be driving my vehicles anymore because I couldn’t afford the gas that he was running out.  He’s not helping me with any bills and I can’t afford it all.  He got upset and threw money in my face and said, “Here’s your fucking money”.  It fell to the floor at my feet and I just kicked it toward him and said forget it.  I tried to go into my room and shut the door behind me and that’s when he pushed it open hitting my hand with the door.  He then stood in the doorway where I could not shut the door.  I asked him several times to go away and to just leave me alone.  I told him he was going to take it to a point of no return and he was going to act stupid and do something he couldn’t take back so he needed to stop and just go to his room.  He just stood there.  He then told me he wanted the diamond necklace he bought me for Christmas back.  I couldn’t believe it, but I said that’s fine, it’s in the bathroom on the top of the vanity.  He said he was going to return it and get the money back on it.  I said do what you have to do.  I said while you’re at it go ahead and steal whatever else it is you’re gonna steal, you’re good at that right?? (He broke into my house and stole quite a bit last time I broke up with him)  I told him if we went there and took back everything we got for each other, he would be walking out of the house with the clothes he had on from jail.  He has nothing without me.  He wouldn’t leave my room, so I ended up undressing in front of him and then crawling into bed… guess he can look at what he can’t have anymore.  He stood in the doorway for about 20 mins, not saying anything before he finally closed the door and went to his room.  Then he started with the texts…. Here’s how it went:

CHRIS: I have to be at the probation office at 7am and then work after that. I may have to go sign papers on my lunch break to get (my son) enrolled in school. Will you be able to take me to that also? 
ME: No
CHRIS: So what do I need to do. Wed I have a 1 o’clock appointment I will have to go to. How do I get there? 
ME: When did that become my responsibility?
ME: But then I don’t do anything for you, right?
CHRIS: When you said I could not take the car to go anywhere. 
ME: Well I take care of you and feed you and clothe you and keep you outta jail. So maybe you should see what it’s really like w/o me and my ass. 
ME: It’s my car. When did you get a free ride? 
ME: You EXPECT other people to do for you
ME: AND you don’t appreciate anything
ME: I’m done being unappreciated

ME: You don’t love me. You love what I give you and the security and stability I provide for you. 
CHRIS: Who said it has been a free ride? Oh yeah that’s right I do not give you anything or any money or any time. 
ME: The little money that you do make goes toward your shit, like your probation, your tickets, your fines, your school. 
ME: You don’t make enough to cover half the rest of the bills. 
CHRIS: That is your opinion and every time you get mad that is what you say. Some guy is probably telling you this shit. So he can get me out of here. 
ME: This is all your fault for not communicating with me and not caring about my feelings. 
CHRIS: It is always my fault. Never a mutual thing with you. Oh no you could not be wrong on any account.  Since you decided that going to see another man was more important than me and to keep talking to another man was more important than my feelings I do not want to be in the same room with you. You really hurt my feelings but you don’t give a fuck it is what you want to do. 
ME: OK, did you think maybe you pushed me to it? It doesn’t matter now. 
ME: You need to get a place for you and your kid. 
CHRIS: Yea it is always my fault. 
ME: I don’t want this extra drama and stress and you don’t seem to care. 
CHRIS: Yeah I really act like I don’t care. 
ME: You don’t care, I told you 2 months ago I didn’t want him here and you brought him here and moved him in any way.  You never once tried to even discuss it with me, even though I tried talking to you about it over and over for months prior. 
CHRIS: You told me you did not want him here and you were mad a week ago cause I had not talked to you about him coming here. 
ME: YEAH
CHRIS: What is there to talk about if you tell me you do not want him here? 
ME: I said NO and you decided to go ahead anyway against my wishes. 
CHRIS: I will get out of your hair soon since my life has become too much for you. 
ME: Fine
ME: Ur disregard for me is too much, your disrespect for me is too much. 
CHRIS: Will I at least be able to use a vehicle to get back and forth to work and school? 
ME: When? 
ME: It’s funny to me that you can’t have a conversation with me until I do something drastic and then you text me – that’s pitiful. 
CHRIS: Everyday. I have to work and go to school everyday. 
ME: No, I’m not your keeper or your mother, or your guardian. 
CHRIS: No what? 
ME: No to a free ride. 
CHRIS: I don’t know why you think it’s a free ride. 
ME: stop texting me. this is ridiculous. 

Then he came and opened my door and asked if I really wanted him to move out and I said yes and he said ok, fine.

I have a few questions and would really like some HONEST feedback.  I really want to know if I am wrong in my thinking.  Since we have been together (off and on) Chris in the beginning never really worked, turns out he was getting fired for not going to work due to his drug binges – (I wasn’t aware he was not at work).   He has never brought in money and if he did, it wasn’t much at all.  I have ALWAYS worked and always paid the bills.  I have always paid for all the food and extra things we do.  If we go out to eat, I pay.  If we go to a movie, I pay. If we need gas, groceries or anything extra, I pay.  I even pay for his cigarettes and anything else he needs.   So yes, I do get irritated and stressed over money.  I have always felt like I was taking care of him.  It would be one thing if he did more around the house or helped me out in other ways, but he didn’t and doesn’t really do that to this day.  So it would upset me even more.  Sooo now that he is working, he is making steady income, but now he has more bills like his probation, his court fees and fines that he has to pay every month. His school payment, his medical costs (he has no insurance so it’s not cheap),  cost for books, his cigarettes, costs for gas to drive 3 hours to and from school (round trip) up keep on 2 vehicles, his energy drinks, his lunch when he doesn’t want to take a lunch like I do because he’s to lazy to fix it.   So the money he makes barely covers some of those things.  It’s not enough to pay half of the other bills like rent, water, sewer, electric, cable, internet, insurance, medical, food, cell phones, fun activities, dining out, gas and any other odds and ends.  I pay for all of that stuff on my own.  I even took a part-time job which had me working 7 days a week for over a year and it really didn’t benefit me much at all.  I make GREAT money at my regular job and can life a very normal, comfortable life on my own with just my regular job, but with him it’s hard.  I don’t like living pay check to pay check and with him that’s what I do.

So here are my questions…

1. Chris says I should not look at it as his money and my money if we are a couple it should be OUR money.  (I think that’s easy for him to say b/c he’s the one not making all the money and the one being taken care of. )  AM I WRONG IN MY THINKING HERE???

2. Chris says that he is going to school so that he can better himself for ME and take care of me in the future.  (I don’t know for sure that will happen and I asked him if that means I have to take care of him forever until it does.) He says if I want to be a family I shouldn’t have a problem with it.  IS THIS TRUE??? AM I BEING SELFISH??

3. I feel as though I am being punished when I have to help him pay his probation and court fees when he is paying those for being arrested for theft and part of that is for breaking into my house and stealing from me.  AM I WRONG IN THIS FEELING??

Thanks as always to my followers and those that give me such great feedback and advice, I always appreciate it !!